The Shout

Heads up, sensitive topic/moral grey area being covered here on the topic of abortion, not a subject I’ve given much coverage before but with the rise of the #shoutyourabortion hashtag, it’s hard to bury my head in the sand on this one. Needless to say, this isn’t going to be pleasantries over tea and crumpets so if this is a subject that makes you uneasy then this is your opportunity to go read one of my articles about comic books or science fiction shows or for you to say sod it altogether and carry on scrolling through your News Feed on Facebook to find a cute picture to comment on. Ok, weeded out all the sensitive sorts then? No easy way of doing this, let’s just go for it.

So last Saturday, whilst I was busy watching Doctor Who, Lindy West was busy starting a Twitter trend to stand in solidarity with the Planned Parenthood clinics of the US, who are apparently due some budget cuts courtesy of the House of Representatives. “Shout Your Abortion” works on the premise that these changes are approved because we as a society still cling to this notion that abortions are sinful deeds we must commit in secrecy if at all and a potential mother giving up a potential child is somehow morally defunct. Therefore, to fight back against this oppression, women are being encouraged to divulge in the details of their abortion and come to terms with what they did, not so they can repent but so they can realise they shouldn’t have to, it was their choice to make and they chose what was right for them. Obviously, you can tell from my wording where I stand, I’m with the shouters here – there shouldn’t be laws on what you can and can’t do to your own body, it’s perfectly legal to pierce every inch of yourself and tattoo swastikas all over what remains, why should it be illegal to carry out a medical procedure to terminate a ball of cells in your womb?

“Pro-life” and “Pro-choice” are terms that are thrown around a lot, the former coming across as ironic when they defend a potential life over an existing one, which is akin to pushing people over on the street so they don’t get hit by a car whilst having a blind eye to the kid who isn’t looking before he crosses. Anyway, point here is more about the Planned Parenthood clinic, who have defended themselves by saying that only a small percentage of what they do is actually related to aborting children and that they’re not some murder mill but a place of learning for young potential parents that happen to offer the morally questionable possibility of abortion. I’m not happy that this is how they defend themselves and evidently, I’m not alone in that unease, why they should have to stick up for their line of work by saying “But we don’t even do it that often” is atrocious and I’ll explain why.

Make your clinic a murder mill for unborn children if you must, put big signs up and everything because abortions are important, crucially important. You might say “Oh but they’re knocked up teen sluts who didn’t use protection, serves em right hurhurhur!” but you’d be dead wrong and even if you were, how does that serve them right? They fucked up their life so give them MORE LIFE to be responsible for?! What? You don’t give an arsonist matches! A CHILD is not a punishment for questionable choices in life, a child should be a planned decision and the next step in a relationship, not some sort of karmic rain. Abortions are vital, abortions are what allow a victim to not have to carry the child of their assailant, abortions can save a life that can’t endure the suffering they’d go through in childbirth, abortions are what stops girls from savaging themselves with wire hangers to desperately hide their pregnancy. You need to leave that choice open to people, if it is a choice that will save their goddamn lives, you offer them that choice, to withhold it is to allow them to die!

The shame surrounding abortion is the idea that pregnancy is a woman’s fault, like it were a conscious decision but then America does genuinely have politicians who think the womb has anti-rape hormones, sperm blockers, Wi-Fi hotspot capabilities, mustard dispenser, Siri voice search etc. A dangerous lack of sufficient sexual education has led to unnecessary finger-pointing, fused with traditions and outdated ideals, this means women who don’t want to go through childbirth are seen as demonic sperm-receptacles. I wonder if the fact we don’t just tell our kids where babies come from means there’s a mysticism and magic surrounding childbirth that is as dangerous as it is lovely. Sure, it’s nice when a child is born and you hold it and d’awwwwwwwwwwww but it also means people put it on a pedestal so when you become pregnant, people expect a child of you and if you willingly terminate that child, they hold you with the same regard as someone who swipes candy on Halloween and burns it or smashes Christmas gifts with a giant hammer, taking that mysticism ans destroying it for them. Heaven forbid your body be about you, the moment a woman is pregnant she suddenly becomes lesser, all attention being on that growing bump in her belly, even to the point of them prioritising it over her. Well on behalf of women, let me get my hammer…

Pregnancy is a process of nature, it is about as magical and awe-inspiring as taking a dump. I mean no harshness, I’m not saying if you’re pregnant and happy about it your child is worthless but stop referring to it as a miracle, a miracle is an act of God and we know that’s not what pregnancy is (Or at least we should know that by now). A sperm fertilises an egg, or two, the egg divides and cells multiply and so on and so on until a baby arrives. Abortion is a means by which to step in before that egg resembles a baby and just stop that process. There is no ‘death’, no ‘soul’ is harmed, no ‘miracle’ undone, you are literally just destroying an egg cell, you destroy cells all the time when you scratch an itch or pull a hair out. Comparing pregnancy to miracles adds a layer of religious fanaticism to it that is dangerous to consider when this should be a process of science by now, one we can track WITH SCIENCE and stop WITH SCIENCE if it is so required. Abortion is the only medical procedure we seem to actually say “No, you know what, this isn’t right, maybe we shouldn’t do this, maybe let those cells live?” about, you wouldn’t spare a second thought for the spread of cancer but pregnancy? We want to protect something that doesn’t even have a face yet over someone who has had dreams, memories, lovers, failures and potential yet untapped. I’ll tell you something, I will save someone who is alive over someone who might be alive one day.

Oh, another thing, this whole “The cure to cancer is in the mind of an aborted baby” argument? Horseshit. You think that’s how progress works? Only one person can have an idea ever and if that person doesn’t invent what they were ‘born’ to invent we just do without? You think we’d never have electricity without Franklin? Never have the Internet without Berners-Lee or computers without Babbage? No, if it is ever going to be invented, it will be invented someday by someone, it’s not like we’re only without holodecks because the prodigal holodeck child isn’t alive yet, someone has had the idea and people are working on it, multiple people. If Benjamin Franklin hadn’t discovered electricity, someone else would have, it might have been a while longer but it’s not like God said “Damnit Ben, you had one job on Earth, what happened?”
“My mother was pro-choice you see..”
“Oh those fucking liberals, ruining my schemes. Ah well, guess humanity will never have electricity. Shame, Netflix was going to be a big deal…”
The ‘babies’ aren’t heaven-sent prodigies, they can’t scream or cry or protest, mainly because they don’t have lungs or brains and also because they wouldn’t know what was going even if they did. How do you think an abortion works? A flamethrower up the foof?

Shout those abortions ladies, shout them without fear or shame because there is nothing wrong in saving your own life or realising that you cannot provide for another. I would rather children not be born than be born into poverty, you want to protest they should let these ‘children’ live? Well you better pay their expenses then! What’s that? Oh you won’t? Didn’t think so. Truth is, if we have the ability to do this for people, let that choice fall to the people who have to live with the consequences and don’t put bills or laws or cuts in place that take that choice away from them because as we’ve seen from third-world countries, the necessity isn’t taken away with the facility, people will attempt to do these things at home and they will do it wrong. Please, please, if you are “Pro-Life”, save the lives that have lives to lose! Women, keep fighting for your right to own your own body, let it be known I’ll fight too!

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Our Way Of Life

Trigger Warnings – Single brief mention of sexual assault (Nothing explicit, literally just a word but I’m throwing this up here in case, I know just the word alone can set off some), strong language throughout

Has anyone else ever noticed most of our pressing issues as a society are conflicting beliefs and privileges, usually people get up in arms about having to adjust their way of life one way or the other? The week just past alone has seen people argue about public feeding, ‘bloody’ immigrants and as ever, those gosh darn gay people wanting to marry each other. Now, this might come off as hypocrisy for a man urging reform but it’s a salvageable hypocrisy but my point is, why do people insist on hassling people over this? If it’s not affecting you, it’s not affecting you, can you not just go with it like that or do you truly lose so much sleep over these things? So, a list article is coming at you folks as I take a no-nonsense approach to some attitudes people seriously stick to and you may notice a theme in my responses, just saying.

“I can’t walk down (Insert Street Name) without hearing everyone there speak (Insert Language that isn’t English)”

Well, straight off the bat, you’re eavesdropping, rude. You know if you don’t understand what’s being said it’s probably not a conversation for you to listen in on or they’d speak a language you understand. I know people say if they come here, they better speak our language and maybe some don’t but for the most part they learn, it’s just nice to talk in your native tongue. I mean, if you moved to Russia, sure you could learn Russian and speak Russian all the time but if someone there approached you speaking English, would you not say “Oh thank fuck, this is much easier for me”? I would. Ok, so some areas become populated by a certain demographic and you might hear foreign languages all around you but don’t get in a huff over it, walk on and let them do their thing, maybe instead of bitching about it you can instead appreciate the fact you live in a culturally diverse area – not everyone coming to Britain wants to forget their heritage and be like us in the same way you moving abroad doesn’t mean you despise steak pies and cricket, you literally just thought you might have a nicer life there, not to escape your nationality.

“Ugh, the way she’s dressed, she’s trying to draw attention to herself, it disgusts me”

I’ve defended sluts in the past, they’re literally just having fun being attractive, who wouldn’t? However, people often criticise the dress sense for being too showy, for calling attention to flesh and so forth but really, here’s a novel suggestion, look away. If it honestly disgusts you, don’t look. Personally, I can’t stand tracksuits, the soft fabric ones especially as you never see a clean one, they’re always stained and slovenly but I find a good solution is to think “I wouldn’t wear that myself but whatever, I’ll turn and look the other way now”. Try it, see something disgusting? Don’t look. Also, you’re not obliged to give commentary on people’s dress sense, just saying, or I would constantly be telling strangers on the street they look seriously under-dressed by comparison to me. “Oh that’s cute, you went into town in a onesie huh? Get out of your goddamn pyjamas and put a suit on, you’re a grown man”. I’d be one sassy son of a gun and nobody would like me and nobody likes anybody who hurls fashion critique at strangers – except Gok Wan apparently, bitches love Gok Wan.

“Women shouldn’t breastfeed their children in a public place, it’s¬†embarrassing to be around someone doing that out in the open”

You want to know what bodily functions shouldn’t be done with an audience? Shitting, pissing, fucking (unless that’s your kink and they agreed I guess) and masturbating (again, unless that’s a thing and they want to watch for some reason). Breast-feeding, eh, so what? Seriously, saying “So what?” as a response to things gives you a much more peaceful life. You don’t need to be embarrassed by what you see, it is a part of nature, it is the more meaningful purpose of breasts as opposed to bags of fat to oggle at. However, maybe you’re still a bit prude, maybe it does make you feel awkward? Stop looking. You are not being forced to look, the mother didn’t mount your lap and whip them out for you, she’s sat away from you so just do your thing and she’ll do hers and her baby will get the key nutrients they need to grow up into a functional adult, which is more than can be said for some.

“Men marrying men, next thing you know I’ll marry my horse!”

Legitimately happening right now, a Michigan pastor is stood with his horse, making it wear a gown as a statement on how gay marriage is akin to bestiality. This is perhaps the most ridiculous argument against gay marriage because it suggests humans are too stupid to know where to draw the line between consenting partners in a long term relationship and sticking your dick in a bagel. I mean, give us some credit as a species, we did invent the internet and various medicines and such like, I think there are enough people in the world who can tell the difference between a lesbian and labradoodle and then say “No, no this is silly, this is not a bond of love between two intelligent individuals, this is just weird”. If you aren’t gay or such yourself, what does it matter? Are you so worried about what will happen? So far no apocalypse and if it is a sin, it’s not a sin affecting you. I could write more on each of these but this is just a summation really.

Anyway, this is just a little piece on four sentences I have heard over the week just gone that have made me roll my eyes. Nigel Farage, yup there he is again, a putrid stain on my blog, is a man fighting for a Britain that doesn’t exist – a world of warm beer in a green field as white guys throw a ball around and eat meat with women sitting pretty by their side saying nothing. Society has to advance, imagine if we’d have listened to the guy saying “Nope, this fire thing sounds like a bad idea and I refuse to ever hunt with one of your fancy spears Jeff, let’s sit in the dark and starve like normal people!”. Bit of a straw-man but fuck it, it’s hardly exaggerating these arguments, even traffic in this country is apparently the malicious work of immigrants. It’s beyond a joke now, we should just all cut each other some slack, live our lives and let people live theirs. The difference with me challenging these people on their beliefs – I’m fighting to give everyone an equal right to be what they want to be, these guys are throwing a hissy fit over nothing. Gays get married, women wear short skirts, mothers feed babies, the world keeps spinning – until God himself comes down and says “Hey guys, I see you made gay marriage legal across the world huh? Yeah, I’m not happy”, maybe he’s on board huh? Sure, he never said he didn’t approve of murder and rape but those are bad things because WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO A LIVING BEING?

You see where I’m coming from? Good. Play nicely humans, we all have to live together, let’s try to be civil about it

Divine Retribution, Flip-Flops and Children

Hello. No doubt you’ve noticed increasingly large gaps between rants and for that I apologise, I’ve been rather ill of late – struggling with a nasty cough and starting to think it’s a chest infection of the “Fuck your lungs” variety, must see a GP about that. Anyway, I tell you what’s a bigger fuck you at the moment, the things I’d like to say to the moronic UKIP Councillor David Silvester, as well as Vladimir Putin and the ruling bodies of the state of Oklahoma and all for the same reason – their utterly ridiculous views on homosexuality and gay rights. As a relative and friend of many people of many sexualities (Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Pan/Asexual/Demisexual), I believe that it is one of those things nobody should have a say in except you. I’m pretty open-minded, despite what some of you might think, and to me it’s a case of you do what you do, I’ll do what I do. I don’t care if you like boys, girls, both, neither or pineapples, I’m not within my rights to tell you not to bonk what you want to bonk (Well, except in certain cases, all has to be consensual!). However, there are still some of us too afraid of change or too bleeding ignorant to let bygones be bygones and gays be gays or whatever, instead insisting on their speeches of hate. I could go on forever about this hot topic but for today, let me vent my frustration at some of the latest prime idiots.

I’ll start with UKIP Councillor David Silvester, the mouthpiece of the heavens apparently. America has been struggling with a polar vortex, which granted sounds a lot like an energy drink but is in fact enough snow to make even penguins pack their bags. British weather, meanwhile, is doing what it does best, raining. A lot. We are talking God pissing down on our heads level of rain which coincidentally is the belief held by David Silvester who says that the freak weather patterns are a result of allowing gay marriage in the UK. I don’t know about you but other than sounding completely bat-shit crazy, it’s a weird way for God to tell us what’s on his mind. I never understood this argument really, blaming natural disasters on society angering God by doing something ‘unholy’ – surely God’s infinite wisdom would allow him to make his point more obvious. If God opposed gay marriage specifically, you’d be reading articles like “17 recently married gay couples all struck down by lightning!”, not “Floods? God must hate dykes!” – Get it? Get it? Ayyyyy? I know, you hate me. The freak weather isn’t because of homosexuals and the like, you can lay the blame on planes and factories for the gases they pump into the air because if God designed the planet, I don’t think he designed it with giant flying heaps of steaming metal in mind. The UKIP party says they don’t stand by David on this one but let’s not forget this is the party that had Colonel Mustard as the second-in-command thinking it was acceptable to beat a TV reporter over the head with a clipboard and call someone a messy little slut in an interview. The party has been known for being racist and ignorant, blaming the gay people for bad weather sounds like their tribal shaman level of awareness. Maybe one day the UKIP will become a party that we can take more seriously than Lex Luthor and company planning their evil conquest of our tacky little island home of Britain but for now, whilst still reeling from their image issues, David blabbed this little pearl and now I feel we can all agree the UKIP are pretty much buried under so much shit, falling face first down into a sewer seems favourable to being on their side.

Rolling right along to the next deal, you’ve probably heard that Oklahoma has been sadly flip-flopping around on the gay marriage affair in the same fashion as Utah. Utah legalised gay marriage for a fortnight, allowed 1300 marriages of this nature and then changed their mind and banned it again, as if traumatised by a series of loud and proud parades of pink feather boas and men in glaringly white tuxedos flinging themselves at each other. Cor blimey, we legalised gay marriage? I thought you said hay carriages! Anywho, Oklahoma is now receding backwards into the conservative spectrum, with the ruling bodies saying that marriage is between a man and a woman and not “…the recently conceived notion that marriage is little more than special government recognition for close relationships”. Thankfully, a federal judge stepped in to call this unconstitutional and the case is being looked over but because this is the government arguing with over governmental figures, it’ll all be papers and meetings and wasted time and backhanded deals before we hear any results. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear we were stealthily invaded by the Vogons a while ago and they just merged with our society in secret. ¬†I hope that the motion carries to lift the ban and we see Oklahoma shake off the shackles of “old time values”, something we cling to far too dearly. Society has to evolve, it’s a learning process because don’t forget that once upon a time we lived in a world in which women couldn’t vote and children were beaten, these values were once acceptable to an older generation but now we know better and hopefully in time we’ll all realise that letting people love who they want will not cause an apocalypse… well, unless they love someone in charge of a nuclear missile base and they end up doing the nasty on the control panel…

Lastly, I must speak out against Putintron, the autonomous droid created in a top secret underwater laboratory to slowly conquer humanity. Originally, we all loved this bear-wrestling Bond villain lookalike but now we’ve realised that he’s not all that, his Terminator like strength being paired with antiquated values and a “Fuck you, and your mother, and her mother, both of whom I fucked last night” attitude. We all know Russian authority is about as friendly to the gay community as Hitler was to the Jewish community, arresting you for mere association with gay people or mentioning them to children. Apparently Putin, now allowing gays at the Olympics, demands they steer clear of children or open expression of their sexual orientation. Putin thinks that teaching children love between two people of the same gender is a gateway to love between a man and a child, a man and a dog and so on. Again, this is poor logic, people say things like “If we recognise being gay as love, why not beastality?” – Um, one of those is inherently fucking weird? Gay romance, bisexual love, polygamy and so on is all consensual and between two sincere people, just like heterosexual love, it’s not a gateway to sexual deviation. I mean that’s like saying “If we allow children to play violent video games then we should make them fight to the death in cages” level of escalation, it’s so stupid it hurts. To be honest, the labels of “gay”, “straight”, “bi” and so on shouldn’t stand as boundaries on who we are and our rights, they should be for us to tell to people a little more of who we are so we don’t get those horribly awkward “Oh, you’re gay/not gay? I’m sorry” scenarios. Love is love folks and believe it or not, if it is a mutually agreed upon relationship between two or more people of sound mind, let them be. The difference between being gay and boning sheep is the sheep can’t say no, that’s the bit that makes you fucked up, not the fact your penis isn’t for the sole purpose of pumping baby gravy into lady caves.

I can’t even properly construe my level of frustration at these ludicrous notions – God hates gays? Prove it, give me definitive proof of Gabriel coming to Earth and telling us to stop it. If God exists, this is a trivial matter to him, he’s a cosmic being of infinite power, what’s it to him if we sleep with men, women or ducks? If God is raining down a divine wrath upon us for what we do as people, I think he’s got bigger things to be pissed off at us for than marriage don’t you? Like the generally lousy way we treat each other, massive class divides, the struggles of the third world, war? If I were him, my first agenda would be
“Ok all of you stop shooting each and blowing each other up, seriously. Don’t be dicks”
I find “Don’t be a dick” is a good policy, maybe one the higher ups should adopt. Quickly.