The Possible Plausible Future

I’ve been blogging more recently, riding another wave of ideas in the boom and bust cycle that is the activity upon this blog. You might be wondering, therefore, how long this is going to last? How much life will thrive here before I run out of points to make and go off on another few months hiatus. Well, that’s today’s topic, blogging about blogging itself like a taco within another taco or other such analogies.

Now, since my return, success here, by which I mean traffic reaching levels it once averaged at, or surpassing them – that’s been a mixed bag. The Fragile Man, Passionate Contempt and The Shout have been the most popular new works, besides that Pig Girls Don’t Cry gets googled more often and currently running in last place is the rather more recent Cosby Case. I’m proud of my latest works, Fragile Man especially, I believe it on par with Catcall An End To It, one of my other best works. Going off topic here, the point I’m trying to make is I feel I’m improving so in that sense, I’m successful, but I’m reaching less people, even with the Facebook page. Many factors come into this, posting times and how often I post and how well I promote/tag my work and I understand that but I have a plan and in this plan, I have some surprising help.

Firstly, outside of encouraging you all to like, share and subscribe as often as you can, I’m going to get a Twitter for Old Man Wolfe, it’s an easy way to generate publicity and people are happy to retweet without giving it much thought, Facebook shares seem fewer – perhaps due to the differing natures of the sites. Secondly, I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again, the future of this site is video content on YouTube. I tried my hand at animation but lacked the skill and patience and other such excuses, I might have another go at it but I think it best I opt instead for recording footage of myself. The idea is up in the air but inevitably, it is where I’m headed one day, people have said they’d be happier listening to a podcast (A fun idea in itself) or watching a five to ten minute video than reading two thousand word long essays on this or that, to be fair it’s easier for videos to go viral than written work, sad as that is. I’ve resisted and resisted, partly because my pride is in my writing and partly out of fear of how poorly I’ll represent myself as I don’t much like myself in terms of physical appearance and voice. Warning, if you only know me from my online persona, be prepared to have images shattered as the most surprising trait about me, apparently, is my voice isn’t as deep as the gravity of my words suggest. You might be sat there expecting a voice of authority and strength when in truth I sound more like someone who didn’t make the cut for The Inbetweeners.

I used the words possible and plausible because there are no guarantees but my Dad has stepped in, at last acknowledging both my blog and the internet community, accepting the fact that YouTube and such are the way forward, even going so far as to offer me resources – namely a camera. Context here, I’ve never really had much of a big affair made of my birthday, it’s too close to Christmas for lavish spending and money is tight but it’s made Old Man Wolfe’s old man feel heavy guilt and whilst he thought he’d help get me a car, he quickly realised I don’t have the money for lessons or insurance, none of us do, that’s going to have to wait until I have a proper decent wage. So, we talked and he’s going to try and facilitate my path to fame and wishes me the best, hoping one day I’ll be as infamous an internet presence as Markiplier or Tomska. I’m grateful to him for this and want it to work out, the world wide web is the ultimate platform to preach the points I’ve tried to make to only a small collective thus far. Of course, my dream is to be an acknowledged writer with books on the shelves and TV series based on my ideas out there, possibly other inspired media works like games or films I had a hand in making, a long term goal but not as daft as it might have been once upon a time in a world that quickly sweeps up anything interesting, staying famous is now the harder part rather than becoming so.

Beyond the blog, maybe you’re interested in the other stuff I’m doing right? Book ideas, TDWC’s fate and so on? Well if you are, here’s a rundown real quick. TDWC had two potential paths, one a gritty drama series from the point of view of a new recruit to the demon hunting agency and the other an Archer-inspired comedy about the same agency. I’ve decided to test the former and leave the latter for now, I like both ideas but I’ll see whether I’m better at grit or humour and dedicate Lee Patience and company to whichever I prefer, devising something else for the other. Book ideas, I want to write a fantasy series that bucks the trends and tropes whilst calling upon social themes and I won’t give too much away as I know I’m not the first to come up with such but I don’t want to just put everything up here for grabs by any other aspiring writers. Yes, I am honestly saying I think I have ideas people would steal, I don’t want to take the risk of a more inspired and driven writer seeing a concept I devised and running with it before I can so I then get accused of ripping off my own work. I also have another series idea based on my historical studies and series like Game of Thrones and besides that, a short story or perhaps full length novel based on my true imagination of a dystopia. Once again, hoping to buck trends there with a focus on small victories and individual stories, rather than the inevitable “It’s time for revolution” story line that the likes of the Matrix, Divergent, Hunger Games and so on walk down – I like those stories but truth be told, it’s time for a massive change to the system now and look where that’s going, I am not leading an army of optimistic teenagers whilst wearing form-fitted armour and firing arrows at people.

Ramble ramble ramble, point is, watch this space, I mean it. I talk big talk a lot, I know, I’m sorry, the harshest critic of my efforts is myself and I tear them apart too soon but with more people becoming invested, including my previously uninterested father, I’ve got to stick to it this time. I much prefer a future as a prominent face fighting the feminist agenda whilst publishing books about orcs than I do the future as a hopeless dreamer going from till to till trying to find a job.

Yet Another Milestone!

Greetings one and all, Old Man Wolfe here to tell you that I’ve finally hit the 5000 view mark. Not bad hey? I’d never have guessed it when I started this back in 2012, I didn’t expect my rants to catch on but they became so popular on Facebook I started my own blog and here I am now with a blog on a steady popularity climb thanks to my latest posts sparking discussions here, there and everywhere. I’ve ranted on a vast spectrum of subjects from the inane to the important, from duck lips and falling trousers all the way up to serious political commentary and speeches on women’s rights. I am now looking to move on towards a new medium, a visual medium with my rants becoming cartoon episodes for your enjoyment on YouTube, with the written counterparts being made available here. With all this in mind, I want to take this opportunity to keep you updated on what to expect from Jacob Wolfe and to thank a few people who got me this far.

So like I said, the next big step for Old Man Wolfe is the migration to YouTube with animated rants to become available on a regular basis, possibly fortnightly or weekly, depends how long it will take. I am doing this because of the possibility of a wider audience on a more universal website and because sadly, I’ve noticed some people just can’t be arsed to read any more. I’d send them the link, wait five minutes to then get vague responses like “Yeah, I liked it” or “That’s good”. I check my site stats, no new views, I know they’re lying to me. You ask them for more detailed thoughts and they panic, nothing to say because they don’t know what I wrote. I’m annoyed at those people but hey, I get it, it’s 2014, most people don’t read anymore.

You’ve perhaps noticed that TDWC has stopped on here, with due reason. The mini episodes I uploaded on here were too short and lacked the depth of plot and character I knew I was capable of and as such, TDWC is back in the workshop to be rejigged as a script, which I may try to get made into a television show in the far future. I mean, I know it’s not Shakespeare, probably not even Moffat, but you need only look at shows like The Midnight Beast and My Mad Fat Diary to know that somewhere out there they need something new. My ultimate ambition for TDWC is for it to one day be a major fandom – I want to see at least one person cosplay as Lee in my life, that’s true recognition for any writer nowadays. Back when I was little, true recognition for a character was when they had their own action figure but now its based on how many people would dress up as them and how many slashfics they star in (Though Lee is 20, Katakura 44 so uh… kinda creepy, unless you’ve ever dreamt of watching Philip Glenister bone Tom Hiddleston. Not that I’d cast those two, they were just the closest lookalikes that came to mind). I don’t want to give too much away about the new TDWC just yet but I can reveal there will be a new female lead to break up the testosterone filled atmosphere a bit, greater depth to the personalities, Vito will be moving forward to a more major role and the entire series will combine nitty-gritty action and drama with a flare of silliness that pays homage to the trench-coat heroes of lore from the likes of Doctor Who and Firefly.

I have other writing ambitions – namely two novels that I want to publish once I can work out the kinks in them. The first is a fantasy adventure that seeks to challenge the conventions of the genre by rebooting a lot of established fantasy species like elves, goblins and such whilst also sending out a special message that will become clear when it is on the shelves. If ever it caught on, I’d desperately seek to avoid it becoming a film, films never live up to books – perhaps a television series or who knows, it’s all just daydreams at the moment. My other novel is a dark short story about the future, a world submersed under water from global warming and ruined by pollution with the rich escaping to Utopia and the passageway for the poor into paradise is to humiliate themselves for money and fame as dancing monkeys and ultimately seek to exaggerate the flaws of our society as they stand and enrage people into demanding better for themselves because part of the problem is us, we allowed this. You see shit on the news about Bieber doing this and that and he does it because he wants our attention, he wants to be immortalised and by putting his face on the TV, we did just that. The story is influenced by the Black Mirror series, headed by my idol Charlie Brooker and I want to take his message and update it before shouting it to the world. I warn you now, when it is available, it will not be comfortable, it will not have a fairy tale ending and it will make you feel something. I hope to have all these projects done at some point in my life.

Well, 5000 views hey? Been a long journey to get here and now I want to give my thanks to those that helped me along. You know who you are, the list of names is a long one. Alice and Epona in particular have never missed a post and always spurred me on to write the next one so an extra huge thanks to them but also to my other loyal friends and followers who encourage me to keep this up. A shout out to my best friend Hannah as well, who has been a long time fan of every creative work I’ve ever done and pesters me consistently for more, which always makes me feel like what I do is worth it. I’d also like to thank Carleen for helping me revitalise some of my more stale ideas and challenge me to do better, even if it meant tearing stuff up and telling me I could do much better if I actually considered it carefully. I often got snarky and mean but I know it was for my own good to improve as a writer. Other than that I’d like to thank my regular readers, to name but a few my good friends Debbi, Sian, Addison and many many more, you all know who you are. Thank you for taking the time to read this and to keep me going with your valuable comments and by passing my rants on to your friends. You may have noticed I have a lot of female friends, like 80% of them are female, long story but it’s certainly not what you’re thinking so get that idea out of your head you silly child. Erhem, anyway, onwards and upwards for Old Man Wolfe. Thank you and watch this space!

PS – I have an apprentice now, a newbie to the world of rants that you may or may not enjoy following for an extra dose of rant from a fresh perspective. A very good friend of mine, she plans to rant about anything that comes to mind and whilst new to blogging on the whole, her first post is a good read. She’s a lot less profane and more courteous than I am but her wits are no less sharp. Please show her your support!

Here’s the link to her home page –

If you feel your blog and my own have a connection, or you’re a friend of mine looking to get some free publicity riding on the back of this juggernaut *cough cough*, do get in touch and I may or may not give you a shout out at the end of a rant (Provided I actually enjoy your work, I’m not advertising anything I don’t personally approve of)

Through The State Of The Art Looking Glass

I am almost certain I am not the only one who has noticed that the development of new technology basically means making it smaller than the predecessor and with a few extra bells and whistles. For example, the mobile phone was an invention that was perfected with the invention of a phone small enough to be stored in your pocket, a battery life that would get you through the day and the ability to either directly call someone or send them a message for them to reply to when they are less busy working, driving or jerking it to pictures of Emma Watson… though at that point in time, Emma Watson was still learning to do long division so if you were jerking it to her at that point, you have serious issues. However, as time went on someone decided that this wasn’t enough for us and that we needed to carry the internet in our pocket, as well as thirteen thousand different games to play, an app that directs us to the nearest sushi bar and another app that does impressions of various guns and or fart noises. I don’t remember voting on this and whilst I can see the convenience in carrying a portable and cheap internet browser everywhere I go, I’ve yet to see why I would need to quickly impersonate a farm animal or auto-tune my conversations unless I was taken hostage by the Gregory Brothers.

The latest high-tech thingamajig that everyone is discussing, aside from games consoles that never stop watching you, is the new trendy eye-wear Google Glass. Google Glass is a pair of sci-fi spectacles that respond to audio and physical commands by the user and work as a camera, camcorder and of course an internet browser. I’ll be one of the many who say that Google is trying to deliver on the kind of technology we all see in films and secretly want, much in the same way I’d sell a member of my own family for that computer from Iron Man. Fundamentally, for all our talk of a new age of technology we haven’t had anything revolutionary since it all became wireless and since then it’s just been it is either smaller, bigger, slightly faster or can now be used to stream movies or order pizza. Google Glass hopes to up the ante entirely as being technology you can wear and won’t ever need to physically interact with, aside from winking to take photos and talking to do things. I’m also curious why technology went through this weird detachment from keyboards to touchy-feely bits and bobs and now it has decided touchy-feely is best left to the past and now we need never even touch our computers to use them, as if all computers are essentially prostitutes with guilt complexes.

I will give credit where credit is due, Google Glass is genuinely something new as opposed to iPhone Y, which is a larger X and smaller than a Z. However, is it really going to catch on? The iPhone and it’s ever-so-similar competitors held our interest for so long because they appeal to this apparent human fascination with quirky little gadgets and then along came tablets and notebook computers and we accepted them as this new medium between the nifty little phone and the big old laptop. Google Glass is a piece of dorky facial gear but it can take photos of what your looking at (Of which, I can see a dozen problems with) and the moment you mention a place or person of interest, you’re suddenly viewing the Wikipedia page related to the subject. I’m a cynical man and I’m really not too sure if people want this but then there will always be an audience for anything and critics for the very same. I won’t claim to be an expert in this field but I’ll look at what is presented to me and go from there shall I?

Ok, so wearing the technology makes it entirely hands-free and easy to keep on your person to be used at any given moment plus the fact that Google Glass can take physical cues from the movement of your own face. I can see the advantages here, blink to take a photo rather than having to reach for a camera and learn what you need to know about anything just by asking your facial gear on a whim. However, Google Glass has a lot of disadvantages that you can’t shake off too easily:

1. You are wearing hundreds of pounds of technology on your face, a visual indicator of your disposable income and the equivalent to wearing a sign saying ‘Please feel free to mug me, I’m very rich’

2. A phone is distracting enough but you can put it away when you don’t need it, Google Glass could spend a whole day just sat on your face and if you get used to it being there you’re likely to forget you’re wearing it and idly open up internet tabs on your own face

3. How rude would you look? Friends talking to you but you’re busy reading an internet fan-fiction or looking up random topics of interest just because you can. I personally wouldn’t want to strike up a conversation with a Glass-user, I’d forever be worried I’m boring them when they can quite easily ignore me and just read the news instead

4. Google Glass could be used in so many dishonest ways. How often do you actually notice someone blink? How can you be certain you aren’t secretly being photographed by some fat-wallet totting creep? A man such as myself isn’t much at risk but perhaps you fancy yourself the good looking sort but not the sort that wants to be part of a randomer’s wank bank. Sounds silly, the internet has taught us that there are people out there who will polish their pork swords to anything, be it a pony or a passing broad

5. On a more serious privacy issue, Google Glass can be used to connect to the internet and who’s to say that everyone has innocent intentions for this device? Record an incriminating video using your own eyes and then upload it to the internet or ask for a lot of money from someone to not do so. All too easy to stumble in someone changing, catch it on Glass and share the picture with all their friends and family as a cruel joke.

I’m being harsh but I’m just thinking that every step forward we take in an age of technology enhances our ability to be wicked and petty towards one another. Google Glass has become the lightning rod for criticisms and it’s not entirely fair on them because they are trying. Adult content will be inaccessible on the headset which is good because I for one have never pondered the faces my friends pull when they are enjoying their happy time and I know people wouldn’t do that in the presence of company but come on… it’ll happen to someone at some point if Google don’t make it a family friendly gadget. The device is voice activated anyway so the wrong word in the wrong place could bring up all sorts and I for one would have endless fun walking up behind people on Glass then setting off voice commands for hardcore porn then running away, unless Glass recognises the voice of the user as it’s one true master in which case double darn to my pranking plans.

Inevitably, this product will sell to someone and it may even catch on. I never expected the tablet to be popular, calling it the fat brother of the phone but with the worst of both ends like a trike – get caught in the rain and you can’t slip past cues of traffic. However, it did and so maybe Google Glass will too and things will keep moving until we reach Deus Ex and suddenly my own eyeballs double up as searchlights and my penis comes with twelve vibration settings and 32GB of memory

I never expected to ever say that