Little Big Pleasures

Yesterday’s article was kinda fun, barely a soul gave a toss but you know I can write a post on here just for the sake of writing it, that’s what blogs were for before they became a way to launch a promising career in writing… which I’m still waiting for. Anyway, that in mind, a conversation with a friend has got me in the mood for writing another fun fluff piece about video games and the astute ones among you can probably guess which game came to mind for me, Little Big Planet 3, the latest in a trilogy of platforming games that is fun for all ages.

As series go, some I can buy games from hit and miss, I can chip into a series late and go back, go from the start and watch it evolve or I can just try it and leave it. For example, I only own Sega All Stars Racing, not the Transformed version that came out later, the first didn’t excite me enough to merit paying money for me, my favourite game series Dynasty Warriors, I didn’t buy the games in order – starting with 3, than a crossover game, then 5, 4, expansion packs, 6 and so on. Thankfully there isn’t a continuity in Dynasty Warriors, it’s the same game made over and over again with better graphics, gameplay mechanics and expanded character rosters. Point being, Little Big Planet, I watched it grow. I played the first game at a friend’s house and fell in love and I made sure to acquire each game since. So why do I like the series so much? Well, this is not a rant today, today I’m here to rave, to sing praise, to review with a positive attitude so allow me to fill you in on why Little Big Planet might just be one of the finest series of games going.

Okay, for those who have never owned a PS3/PS4 and never played the game at any point, Little Big Planet is a platformer game in which you customise a cutesy knitted character with costumes of all varieties and run through themed levels to rescue a world of imagination from some big baddy, be it an owl driving a death robot, an evil space snake or Hugh Laurie in a bowler hat. You run, jump, swing, fly and glide through levels that take inspiration from just about anything – Medieval Europe, the Renaissance, Outer Space, 50s Style Diners, Giant Libraries – you name it, someone has made a LBP level about it. The game is artistically stunning, it has a style that makes it all look like it is essentially an enchanted art project, adding to this idea it is an imaginary world, a world consisting of doodles and craft sessions come to life and your main enemy is always some selfish, unimaginative monster who wants to stomp all over your creativity. With that explained, here’s why this series is so good:

Diversity and Suitability

You could easily make this the first game your kids play, their first real video game series and it would not corrupt them. Far from it, I would think it enriching. Across the series, the levels opt out of falling into the templates of Snow World, Lava World and Desert World, instead opting for culturally themed worlds – New York World, Japan World, England World – not in such obvious titles but you can see the inspiration. The costumes add to this, it’s not all armour and silly hats, though there a few, but there are costumes based on Chinese Traditional Wear, Japanese Robes, Ponchos, Tuxedos, Saris and Turbans, come Little Big Planet 4 or 5, or enough DLC, and this series will touch on every major world culture at least once. In this sense, the game is inoffensive. Granted, I’m a white hetero cis male, it’s hard to offend my demographic unless you question my masculinity, but with a game that so celebrates diversity and avoids violence (You defeat monsters by jumping on their weak spots and they turn into clouds of smoke, hardly that gruesome), this is a game that is either a light spot of fun for a twenty something like me, a tool for enjoyment and education for children or a game you could possibly talk Mum and Dad into trying. Parents, seize this game, fast, when you see kids playing it, introduce them to the cultures and histories that have inspired the artistic styles and level designs to make your children students of the world!

Endless Creativity

In terms of games that allow you to be truly creative, this is up there with Mario Maker, easily being worshipped as the new user-friendly creativity tool of the decade, a title it deserves – past the “Nyahahaha this is so hard!” levels, Mario Maker offers the chance for potential game designers to use assets they fully understand to create unique gaming experiences. Little Big Planet, by the same token, allows players to use any of the materials, monsters and power-ups they have encountered in game to create whole new worlds, stickers can be found to personalise existing levels and both your home screen and character are fully customisable. LBP DLC is endless, the blank canvas hero allowing so many possibilities – Baymax, Kermit the Frog, Solid Snake, Dr Eggman – You can be any of those guys, the DLC exists and the in-game content allows you to try out so many variations with costumes ranging from ogre outfits to jeans and shirts. The series includes a Create Mode, a Pod (your home screen) for you to decorate, essentially anything and everything can be personalised and because of this there is a wealth of user-created levels, some of which make me think the designer should be paid for making this stuff up. If games rot the imagination, LBP gives you a healthy dose of it again, it offers you so much chance to be creative, it is almost overwhelming!

Simplicity

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for games being complex, a good strong plot in a video game is a major selling point for me but as a gamer with non-gamer friends I love hanging out with, getting them into games I’m passionate about is hard. They get names wrong, they laugh at things that aren’t supposed to be funny, they simplify the plot to the level of a child’s understanding and I don’t mind, they’re not fans, they’re not invested, but games that you can pick up, play once and understand are great. Pac-Man, Mario, Ghosts and Goblins, Little Big Planet – you have an objective, you have basic controls, away you go, that’s that, jump in and out at any point in the story and it still makes sense. For this reason, LBP is the most popular game on game night with my friendship circle, it’s good clean fun you don’t have to be a gamer to understand but it’s not insultingly easy to the point of being boring, the difficulty curve is perfect in every game (Well, LBP3 is actually more challenging for me than the last two, I think they’re trying to stop loyal fans from getting bored). A game you can share is a game you can love even more, nothing is as satisfying for a gamer as making someone else love the franchise you love, LBP is so easy to get into that you find yourself never short of friends willing to be Player 2. Try that with Dynasty Warriors, I get a lot of “I’m gonna be… Uhh… This big red guy with the pike. Is he good? What do I do? Oh I died… This game is hard, let’s do something else”. Worst. Damn. Thing.

It Evolves

If you make a sequel to a game, you have to change things up from the game before, that’s just a rule, you have to give the player something they can’t get from the previous game. Sonic 2 brought Tails and more levels, Sonic 3 had the option to save progress, Sonic 3 and Knuckles had a new character and a game twice as long as the games before, for those reasons those games got progressively more and more popular. Little Big Planet One is good, it plays very simply and it is very easy, a sort of introduction to the game series with nice tight level design and precious few variations on the run and jump format. Little Big Planet 2 took that and added to it, it added power-ups like a grappling hook, a fire-extinguisher hat, super strength gloves – the game had whole new realms of depth and more creative options to explore. LBP2 even had better mini-games added in, competitive ones, shooting galleries and giant dodgem car levels, this was a franchise that just got better. How do you top that? Try LBP3 – Create Mode and Play Mode now blend together in some levels, requiring you to fill blanks in a level’s design to advance (Hmm. No bridge? I better build one out of those cubes stacked on the cliff edge), the game operates on several layers with the standard far layer, near layer and in between now swapped for very very far, very far, far etc. and the game added whole new characters of different shapes and sizes with their own powers (shapeshifting, flying, running on walls and more). LBP could easily just get away with new levels and costumes and a new big baddy but it does so much more that each game is a distinct improvement on the one before. I just love it, I really do.

In conclusion, Little Big Planet as a series probably isn’t the best game series either but it’s a damn good candidate, in three games it has made more keen and loyal a fan than some game series have done in ten. I could play it with pretty much anyone and have a blast, I could play a level of any theme I could imagine or design it myself and my hero is whoever I want them to be, be it a dragon, a luchador or a green cat in a mankini (No joke, there is a mankini in this game). If you have a PS3 or PS4 and no LBP in your game library, try it, there’s something for everyone and that is pretty darn impressive.

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Christmas Day Special – My Christmas of 2014

Trigger Warnings – None.

Merry Christmas folks! Sorry if this is up late but come on, credit where credit is due, even posting anything on this day deserves a pat on the back really doesn’t it? I hope you are all having a jolly good time of this festive occasion, my Christmas hasn’t exactly been what one would typically call Christmas Day but I’m not here to complain, not today, not on Christmas Day, I’ll save you that much. Anyway, Christmas and the New Year come so close together that it is at this time of year, particularly in the evening, we come to reflect on how far we have come since this same time last year and whilst I plan to do a personal post on all that another day, my mind still dwells there and I’ve been rather thoughtful tonight so allow me to share my musings.

So, Christmas was sort of cancelled this year, for us – our family has endured some hard ordeals that have been taxing on my father and my stepmother and a recent family incident destroyed the festive spirit of my Dad, the youngest of our family stole a great sum of money from other members and for a holiday all about family and togetherness, this came as a harsh blow. I’m all for second chances but if you knew the history, this kid isn’t on his second, he’s on his tenth, we’re tired. Anyway, moving on to less depressing subjects, we managed to enjoy some festivity here – there were gifts being passed around, we had a very large dinner and we’ve enjoyed some films and games, as well as you know, plenty of chocolate. Yes, Christmas is a cosy time of year for most of us, we cannot all enjoy it, there are those who still starve and scream even today and for that, we have to be thankful for what we have, as I am sure you are all aware.

I am thankful for a lot this year, even in spite of finding myself unemployed and some less than ideal health issues, mood issues and family issues but beyond that, I have a lot to be grateful for even so. You see, as Christmas looked set to be miserable, I was flooded with love and support from friends and even invitations to join them for Christmas next year if it looks set to be much the same. I dare not think that far ahead but the invitations are very much welcomed and maybe I will take up on one of those invitations, maybe not, time will tell and it is much too soon to make shots in the dark at what the next Christmas has in store for me. I like to think I have been very festive this year, I had a fair sum of money to my name at the time and did what I wanted to do the most with it – I wanted to spoil those close to me, to buy them thought out gifts to tell each of them that I care because each of those people that got something, they got me through the year, they gave me strength and I knew I would not get the opportunity to indulge them too often so I figured why not? I find the most joy in the joy of others, sounds cheesy and stupid but I do. You know what sound I love more than anything? A gasp, a gasp of surprise when you have got someone something they did not expect, when they put their hand to their mouth and smile. I find it deeply satisfying and maybe there is an element of selfishness in pursuing that reaction but it’s a redeemable selfishness surely? I’ll leave it to you to make that call.

I’ve not been a true saint of the holiday, I’ve done so few charitable deeds unless it was for someone within my family or circle of friends, I didn’t help out at a soup kitchen, I didn’t deliver toys to children in hospitals, I didn’t give my coat to a homeless man and such things are indeed praiseworthy, I wish I had the resources to do such things constantly and rest assured, come the new year, I will get back into charity work, it is rewarding and can be quite fun in the right environment. The new year holds a lot in store for me, mostly the reality that I must get my life on track and move forward from this endless wandering in circles. Still, as I said, it being Christmas, let me take this opportunity to thank you all for a great year – my blog is back and better than before, I have such good close friends and I have done so much with this year that it amazes me that this has been one year, it has been a long one for me but what I’ve gained from it, I am happy to have found.

Merry Christmas readers and a Happy New Year to all. Give me a little present of a like and a share and be sure to like my page on Facebook. Thank you for reading and let’s see what the new year brings for us all!

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Old Man Wolfe Returns!

Trigger Warnings – Mentions of suffocation/vivid nightmares/death

Well hello internet, Old Man Wolfe is back on your News Feed or your Reader feed, here to treat you to more of that delicious assortment of personal musings,mumblings and miffed off articles about injustice and inequality in society. Missed me? Yes, I’m back a little bit later than I hoped, long boring story there, not really post worthy as it was just some technical issues surrounding internet connection but the point is, I’m back! Feels good to have a solid keyboard beneath my fingers once again and to have justified font, all sexy sleek like. I shall be doing my best to get back into the swing of things now and make up for lost time with some good stuff in the future I should hope.

You might be asking, how was I on my break? Did I relax and have fun? Am I back all refreshed and clear minded? I hope you’re asking, that’d be polite and I thought our relationship was one of sharing and caring. Erhem, well, I did sort of enjoy taking a week not panicking about what to post about but me personally, I’m afraid the past week has been hard on me, that mood scale has been clocking in below five pretty much non stop except for the odd moment of comfort in the company of good friends. I’m scoring one far more often than I’d like and my dreams have involved yet more unusual deaths such as being impaled on a spear and almost having my hand chopped off by my best friend in a gladiator match.To add to matters, lately I’m being kept awake by the feeling of hands around my throat whenever I’m upset, I can even feel thumbs poking into my Adam’s Apple. No, it’s not an allergy, my diet hasn’t changed, I’m not using new detergents and I have not been bitten or stung by anything, I don’t actually have any known allergies anyway, our family doesn’t have many. Apparently it’s psychological, it’s a symptom of an anxiety disorder, thus the stress and sadness being the trigger so it doesn’t help the moment I feel blue, I get this ghost of my own mind trying to choke me as if putting me out of my own misery permanently. Dramatic, yes, but it honestly feels like I’m being throttled, I’ve been throttled before so I know how that feels and this is the same only my feet are on the floor or on my bed.

I hate to come back on such bad notes but there hasn’t been a great deal of joy in my life of late. I mean, it’s not all been doom and gloom, caught up with an old friend after years apart and that was wonderful, we got on as if we had never gone a day without seeing each other and it only served as a warm reminder why we became so close in the first place. However, with no job and no longer being at Oxfam, when I returned for a Christmas gathering, I had to answer the question of “So what do you do now?” with “Oh, nothing”, because I’m not in work and not looking for a bit, the job I had sort of buckled my confidence when it came to the review and with Christmas coming, I want to take a break and start the new year with a clearer head, hopefully. Feels awkward though, I’ve not gone to bigger better things, I’ve gone onto moping in the dark and playing video games (On a side note, I have gone from a total noob to a pro at Demon’s Souls in a week, almost completed my first play-through and I am rocking some sweet ass armour) I will get back on the horse but as I’m not too worried in terms of finances, I think I’ve earned some time to try and focus on feeling less shitty before getting back into the world of work.

I’m thankful for the people who care about me, checking up on me and showing genuine concern for me when my mood drops. I’m still going to see about counselling and maybe some anti-anxiety/anti-depressants from a doctor as there is stuff that is beyond what a friend can deal with and some issues are so deeply seated in the pains of my heart that I just don’t feel I can talk to some people about them. I’m always on and off with this, I listen to a lot of what my friends go through but some of them won’t do the same for me or won’t read up on my blog, which is the best and easiest way of knowing what’s on my mind in detail. I’ve tried to seek the counsel of some friends before and it hasn’t always worked and I’m not expecting it to, they don’t know what to say, some just genuinely can’t stand to hear it and many are far more concerned with their larger troubles in life like not having money for food to eat or a history of abuse keeping them awake at night. So I’ll sort myself out and rely on my friends for what they can feasibly do and I hope nobody takes offence to this article, I’m not shitting on your efforts but just stating that there have been times when I’ve discussed an issue with a friend and they’ve actually told me to stop talking because they don’t want to deal with it. I’ve probably done it to others, maybe karma is making things even.

Still, I’m getting by, money is not as much of a problem, I saved a small sum to tide me over to the new year and I intend to get my act together come January. I’ll let you know how I do with that. I may also look into vlogging, the number of people now saying “If it was a video, I’d watch it, I swear” and so at first I was pissed off taking these people as lazy unappreciative sods who need flashing colours to be amused but if so many people are requesting it and not just because they can’t be arsed to read it but they genuinely want to see me speak and perform, I shall have to oblige and get a YouTube channel. I’ve had offers of help with videos and editing so that should be a fun project to get going. Other than that, the Christmas spirit is surprisingly strong within me, wrapping my gifts for everyone gave me a buzz and I’ve tried my best to be more charitable. So yeah, the world isn’t ending and though times are hard, they could be harder, I’ll get on as I always have done and hope to continue to entertain you all into the new year!

Dulled Edge

Trigger Warnings – None.

Blogging. Blog blog blogging. Bloggy bloggy blog blog. Erhem, my more astute readers will probably have already guessed that I am clueless about tonight’s topic, this whole no computer deal is a pain in the ass, I tell you. I’m worried this will actually have a seriously damaging effect on my blog and my writing on the whole to be honest.

I really don’t have much to talk about today, today has been a rather dull day in all fairness, the highlight was going for coffee with a friend. Granted, said friend instantly brightens up any day. However, other than that momentary joy, today has been uneventful. Things being what they are, I am a man without a purpose for the time being, so to speak. I’m sorta drifting really, I’ll get back into work soon enough I’m sure, my CV is certainly much more impressive than it used to be and as it was it already attracted good attention so who knows hey?

I like working, not for myself though, I’m never really that good at doing something purely for my own benefit which makes me naturally selfless but can bite me in the butt at times. Charity work is appealing to me for that very reason, I’m not working solely for me or for some corporate jerk-off, I’m working for the benefit of those less fortunate than me. With that in mind, I have come up with a solution to my Christmas crisis.

As covered yesterday, my issues is I just can’t get with the hype, it’s never been my strong suit. If you look around on here I did an article at great length talking about the over emphasis on the excitement of Christmas which dies off pretty damn quick after the day itself. I don’t want to be the constant downer at the party, I like the idea of getting into the spirit of things and I’ve found how to do it – gifts. Not receiving, giving, giving what is requested and what isn’t expected, to see faces light up. I’m generally quite giving as a rule but this time of year, this year at least, I’m getting into the festive spirit by buying gifts. I’m not quite done yet, I have way more people to buy for this year compared to the last but it is nice looking around thinking what loved ones would want. Not to toot my own trumpet but I think I have done a good job this year. Let’s see hey?

I’m generally happy with life I think, my mood doesn’t seem to agree but I am. I think I know some of the big issues holding me back from real full on happiness. Still, good family situation, for the most part, good friends, hair is slowly coming back proper and I seem to have lost a little weight. I would diet but Christmas. I’ll wait until the new year. Anyway, here’s to hoping I get on with my life sooner rather than later!

Twenty Years On

Trigger Warnings – None

Today is my twentieth birthday. No, I’m not expecting birthday messages from my readers, don’t worry, though any received will be greatly appreciated. I had a fairly standard day of it, nothing special but nice enough and the evening was spent on a dinner date with my closest friend, essentially combining the two things I enjoy most into one evening. Anyway, I’m twenty years old, inside I feel much older but I figured given the occasion I’d share some personal feelings with you all about my journey through life thus far

I consider myself the old man for more than one reason. Yes, I can rant and grumble and be generally miserable at times but I ¬†actually feel like an old man because my life has been so full of stories and mishaps so far. Almost a dozen failed romances, countless short-lived flings, friends and enemies too numerous to list, a number of jobs and journeys and so many good times and bad. I’ve been lots of different people, all ruled by the same underlying traits but I’ve been an emo kid, I’ve been a typical child, I’ve been an artist with a head full of clouds and I am currently a cocktail of characteristics picked up along the way

The teen years are all about trying to be someone people will like or that will get you the response you want from people until you get older and realise you’re better off just being whatever the fuck you feel like being and telling the world to love it or loathe it and shut up either way. I made that realisation leaving college really, I did a lot to try and keep people as friends but I kept losing more and more as life went on and now I’m used to it, I can carry on strong and stone-faced through almost anything and everything, though the blogging helps and I have good friends to rely on.

I sometimes pine for what I’ve lost – the friendship groups that were such good laughs, the relationships that could’ve lasted if I’d done this differently, the people I’d never have hurt if I thought more carefully about how I treated them and on a darker note, the people who have passed away who I once held so dear – but through it all I’ve sorted the wheat from the chaff and I’m happy with what has come from that process and what I see for the future if the present is anything to go by. Don’t get me wrong, there is still a long way to go though and I need to crack on with that sooner rather than later

I feel jaded, a terrible thing at only two decades of age but still, so many failures so far and so much having happened in such a short time, I worry the next twenty years will be drab by comparison. I have my fears for the future, romance and career-wise mostly, fearing I’ll never achieve my goals and never find a woman to spend the rest of my life with romantically, currently I’m struggling to find one I can even spend a few months with. I’ll avoid the entire story of my love life, it’s a long one and a little too personal for this blog, maybe even for some that know me but those that know why I am as I am now will know why I struggle

Oh well, this isn’t a day for finicking over that, this is a good day and it has been nice enough, the past few years have been an interesting story indeed. I have a number of good friends now, one friend in particular who has seen me through hell and high water, stood at my side when I’ve been a total twat and we cannot picture a future in which we are not still thick as thieves, two goofballs versus the world. You know who you are, the world probably knows, and I know this is mushy but it’s my birthday and a bit of a milestone so I just wanted to give thanks for you and to let you know that I love you so very much.

And of course, to my family, my father in particular, who haven’t always liked me but have never abandoned me, even when I convinced myself I didn’t want them. I’ve been an ass and that’s only just improved in the last couple of years but thank you all the same, to those I live with and to those a little further out. To my newer friends and friends of the past few years, credit goes to you for actually consenting to joining the craziness, you’re special kinds of people for doing that and I hope the friendships I have forged as of now are the ones that will last because they are with some brilliant people

Mushiness and sentiment about aging and such aside, I look now to the future and to what a genuinely Old Man Wolfe will one day be. Anyway, the birthday time is passing over, less than three hours left until the day is over so that’s the syrupy sweet stuff done, bleh. Ok? Tributes paid, grumpy as usual again tomorrow! (I make that sound like a conscious choice…)

The Gift of Receiving

Trigger Warnings – None

In a week’s time, it will be my birthday, in fact today is my sister Nicola’s birthday and a shout out to her, hope you had a great day of it. I’m not drawing attention to my birthday in the vain hope of receiving messages of love and adoration from my readers to commemorate the fact I am now twenty years of age (Yes, Old Man Wolfe is misleading on that front) but on how the event always comes out of nowhere for me and I find myself being the least prepared man for it of all, which is funny considering, I thought it was beyond age thirty you were supposed to stop caring about your birthdays, or rather wanting less of them, not twenty

I visited a friend of mine today and she read out this list of things I’d mentioned I wanted as gifts and she asked me about everything on the list so as to maintain the element of surprise, I knew my gift would be from the list but it could be any of them and I found myself amazed at her for considering me so intently. Granted, she’s my best friend of the past eight years but even so, I have to commend her, I’ve seen family members give less effort, even I have given less (I generally listen to what people say they wish they had and buy it for them when possible). I felt awkward though, I barely draw attention to myself on celebrations but I have such good friends and family that won’t accept me doing anything short of streamers and cheering. Come to think of it another friend of mine has already been spoiling me with gifts before my birthday has even come and these gifts do not look cheap, some hand-made, it is rather touching and I’m of course very thankful for what I receive from such considerate folk

I don’t know why I always feel awkward about receiving gifts or asking for things though, something inside me feels really shitty whenever I ask for something I want for myself, be it a game, a favour, a bite to eat, I’m a pain in the ass for it. I think it might have to do with how when I was younger my Dad never had much money so whenever I asked for something, he usually couldn’t afford it and had to disappoint me, except on the odd occasion when it was something I needed or it was a gift for a special day, but otherwise we lived a life of making-do, not indulgence, and recently my Dad said that we’re a bit better off now than we were so that’s less of a concern than it once was but still, I absolutely hate to impose. Have me for a guest sometime, you’ll see, I’m very meek and quiet and just stand there not asking for anything and not even moving, unless it is to follow whoever invited me in. I don’t know why, I can’t break the habit, even with my oldest friend I still stand in her kitchen like some poorly chosen ornament

Apologies to her by the way, I didn’t mean to be awkward, I’m very much a fish out of water when not in my own space. Incidentally, you are a gracious host and don’t think I don’t enjoy coming over, I think I was just overly conscious of being polite as a kid and it’s stuck ever since, still breaking out of that strange self-enforced code. To my friends and family who are making a real effort for me on my birthday, a huge thank you, you all seem to love me more than I love me and that can’t be easy.

On the same token, I find myself gifting people a lot more, particularly the aforementioned friend that has sorta been central to this article, no doubt she will not let me live this down that tonight’s post is pretty much all about her. For the record, it’s not dear, if it were it would take an entirely different tone, I assure you, it would be a long winded investigation into how we’ve survived eight years of driving each other insane for shits and giggles… Erhem, I mean uhh… it would be about how amazing you are and how much I love you of course, please don’t murder me. In all seriousness though, I think I just enjoy giving and feel some strange aversion to receiving (No innuendo intended). I’ll break out of it and actually I’m rather excited for the planned birthday celebrations to come, some people who can’t make it to certain dates are determined to do something, if only small, and insist on seeing me another time for a drink. I never thought I inspired such strong bonds but it would seem so and that truly makes me a rich man… like, in character, my friends don’t have much more money than me or I really wouldn’t have an aversion to receiving from them. There you go, go get rich you lot then we’ll celebrate my birthday by all of you pitching in to fly me off to New Zealand in a private jet, that suits me fine.

Erhem, dickbaggery aside, I’m truly grateful for what I have and I’m looking forward to my birthday now, I hadn’t been, I’d been dreading it being a lack lustre celebration of people finding excuses not to show up or acknowledge me but in fact it’s the opposite, friends new and old are all showing a keen interest in making me feel wanted and valued and I’m lucky to have such good people in my life. I will repay such kindness in return when the time comes, some of you are really in for good things this Christmas

Ah fuck, I mentioned Christmas in November before my birthday, I’ve defiled myself. Bleh. Anyway, that’s that, another little personal post as I had a brainfart with regards to proper topics so instead just went with what was on my mind

Inexplicable

Trigger Warnings – None. Happy post!

Personal post. I’m slowly slipping off the radar in terms of ratings on here, not sure why but I’m sure they’ll pick up once I get onto some more engaging topics than superheroes and comedians. I find personal posts or posts about feminism are usually good for that sort of thing so here’s a personal post, expect a feminist post in the future I guess.

I’m happy today, inexplicably so, thus the title. I don’t know why but for most of the day I’ve just been quietly buzzing to myself, not ecstatically so but just feeling content for no apparent reason. I don’t know, maybe it’s because the right person gave me a hug, maybe it’s the reduced workload bringing me some relief or maybe it’s just the sound of the rain soothing my soul, who knows? I know one thing for sure, I don’t mind what it is as long as it keeps up, it’s so nice not to feel miserable if only for a day at a time. I had a good day today in all, I was productive, no real big errors threw me off, I was around people I like being around and everything just hummed along nicely with nothing to ruin the rhythm of the day so I’m thankful for that.

I find small joys in life – good parenting, friends greeting each other, an idle kind word – I know this all sounds like I’m paraphrasing song lyrics but it does support the philosophy of the best things in life being free, a philosophy I’ve had trouble believing but I can see the reasoning to it when I look hard enough. My day today wasn’t brilliant, nothing amazing happened like finding I’ve won a prize or got a phone number for an interesting woman or anything but it was nice, simply put. I also feel I was rather unselfish today, which is something I aim to be as much as I can without putting myself too deep into the red because, well, the world would be a better place if more people said “Why not?” than “Why?”, don’t you think? Ultimately, I wasn’t a saint, these little deeds were still for people close to me, I enjoy their happiness, that’s what I get from it but still, it was nice and I enjoy doing it.

I realise that I’m a man who usually talks about the bleakness of his depression and yet today I’m all sunny, even in spite of the dreadful weather and still less-than-marvellous financial situation I live in but I’m riding on a crest of positive emotion and might as well enjoy the ride. Just to clarify, this is not mania, I am not crazily happy and bouncing off the walls with excitement, I’m just able to sit with a smile on my face without having to try to force it on like I so often make myself do. I’ll probably lapse back into my normal state of misery given enough time or something that makes me feel invalidated or abused, that usually does it, but for now there’s a clear sky after a storm and I might as well put down the umbrella for a moment.

I wanted to make this the point of a post because I don’t want people thinking all I ever do is doom and gloom and cynicism, that I can’t enjoy life or hold such contempt for everything with a pulse because beneath it all I like to think I’m a nice guy (And no, not in the douchey “Nice guys finish last” sense). I can be cruel or callous but I generally live my life by a principle of helping my community first and myself second and as a result, I have good friends who would jump in to help me should I ever need it, each good deed is repaid in kind one way or another. And so today, one little deed on my part made someone happy and in turn they did something that made me happy and so I enjoyed today. I’m thankful for the people in my life and to you my readers, I want you all to know that as much as I whinge and complain and rant, I can smile and laugh and be warm if you know how to make me so or just catch me on the right day. I use a lot of my personal posts to complain and ramble about how hard life is but just for once, here’s a change of pace

I had a good day, I just wanted to share that with everyone, hope you had good days too, or if not, that you will have one tomorrow or at the very least, some day soon