Clash of the Douches

Trigger Warnings – Contains Nigel Farage

You know what I hate about topical blogging? Having to keep up with total tossers that the world deems newsworthy. I decided to get back into the swing of things I’d take a swing at Nigel Farage and Russell Brand, two of my least favourite human beings who got into a heated debate on British television over immigration, inequality and breast-feeding. I wish I could just shrug and look past this but it’s a slow week for me, this might provide some amusement.

Now usually you hear debate and you expect statistics, you expect clever rhetoric, you expect science and logic and mutual respect but then again this is British politics, it’s more a game of who can call their opponent a twat in the most colourful way possible and then burble a bit. I want to side with Brand, I really do, he is right about a few things but he’s so overly floral and lacking in real substance that I feel like he can’t really be the best voice out there to represent people like me surely? I don’t want to do his job for him, I think I’d go mad if I had to sit next to Farage for an hour, one of us would be dead, but Brand is just a floppy haired nitwit. You might think I’m just throwing barbs around but that was all that I could see going on between those two, though Farage seemed to be better at actually sticking to the format of Question Time, he did answer questions, stupid answers but y’know, answers, not just “You’re wrong” rambling like Brand.

The audience wanted Brand to actually properly take the stage of politics and run as an MP but he declined, apparently scared of becoming corrupt and impure like he’s a messiah or something. I’m sorry, I don’t buy that Brand, if you have faith in yourself and in your argument, you would not be corrupted, corruption only affects those who lose their way. Farage, in that sense, beats Brand because Farage has conviction, his ideas are extreme and idiotic but he fights for them with clout whereas Brand just sorta waffles and preaches for a bit. David Cameron, Ed Miliband, Nigel Farage, whatever you think of these people they deserve the credit for having ideas and beliefs that they actively work to make into reality, sometimes falling short but it’s not as if Cameron spends his time in Downing Street watching Spongebob and eating Pick’N’Mix, he’s running the country.

Brand and Farage both like to lay blame willy-nilly, Brand on the rich, Farage on the foreign. Has life in Britain changed that much since 1990? Yes and no and that’s a blog post in itself, perhaps I can go on about that tomorrow. Yes we are in an economic crisis and it could easily be tackled if Google and Starbucks paid the UK what it owes in tax and no the shortcomings of this society aren’t the work of gremlins from Albania dragging us down into poverty, we live in a cycle of blame placing and shoulder shrugging really, it’s laughable or it would be if it wasn’t the world we actually live in. I mean, after the show was done, both Brand and Farage wrote mean articles about each other like teenagers bitching on Facebook.

The problem is charisma, these two are characters, the loveable rogue and the man’s man of politics and that’s great, we need characters to get people interested but when politics becomes a popularity contest you can vote in any old douchewad based on the cut of their jib or their lively persona. I mean, if my generation read up a bit more I swear I’d have many more friends voting Green but as it stands they just don’t bother and perhaps that’s an issue a true party of the people should address, why do people just see politicians as faceless suits or extreme nutjobs? We need to remember politics is a ruling factor in the way we live our lives, it’s all well and good voting in the guy who drinks a pint and grumbles about terrorists and Muslims but you’re giving them the keys to the kingdom and do you want them on a throne? Really? Would you trust that person with your car? Your house? Your kids? Your life?

As for the breast-feeding remark from Farage, saying women should sit in a corner to do it, grow up. It’s normal, it’s natural, perhaps your mother did it once, perhaps she didn’t and thus the oral fixation on cigars and shite. I may have another blog post idea here already, tying in with the idea from earlier but we need to mature, all of us, and live and let live really. The blame lies on all of us though – companies should pay tax, people should be educated on policies and their impact, youngsters shouldn’t just dismiss everything, old people shouldn’t just pine for the past and ruin the future – we need to shape up, seriously.

There you go Britain, that’s my political slogan for you all – Jacob Wolfe, wanting the world to grow up!


The Doctor Is In

Trigger Warnings – None

Spoiler Alert – May contain spoilers regarding the most recent series of Doctor Who and its finale

With Doctor Who now over and done with for another series, I felt this was a good as time as any to give my thoughts on Peter Capaldi as the Doctor. Put simply, I love him so far, I think he’s brought something to the character that was well overdue and combines humour and darkness in a wonderful display of conflicting morality most fitting of a character like the Doctor, a man who saves the universe but not with sunshine and rainbows, there is almost always collateral damage in his line of work. I’ve had mixed reviews of the guy and even I myself wasn’t too keen on him at first in Deep Breath, he came off a bit skittish and frantic like his predecessor Matt Smith but when the regeneration illness wore off, he came into his element and so I’m going to share my thoughts

Now, don’t get me wrong, I liked Matt Smith as the Doctor but only at choice moments when his acting was actually being pushed, when he had to be the Doctor and not just a floppy haired ball of warm fuzzy feelings, like with the Space Whale and his anger with the humans for how they treated a peaceful sentient being that came to rescue them. Matt Smith had a rough entrance as the Doctor, a new Doctor and a new head writer made it hard for people to decipher who was actually shit, the actor or the man writing his script, and for me it felt like it was Moffat – a lot of episodes were squashed into shorter stories, too many plots revolved around ‘timey wimey’ (A phrase I do not miss from the show one iota) and Clara failed to catch my interest as a human being, instead seeming to be a cardboard cutout of a companion, with no offense to Jenna Coleman as an actress but characters like Clara and River Song felt like they existed to fulfill a fetish of spunky bossy women flirting with our awkward hero whilst being generally pretty and mischievous.

Doctor Who had been going down that path for some time, Christopher Eccleston was tasked with laying the foundations, teaching us the rules of the show and time travel and re-establishing old traditions whilst being the Doctor that bore the brunt of the internal grief about Gallifrey. After Eccleston left and Tennant came in, the show was romanticised with the Doctor falling for Rose, Rose leaving, Martha joining, Martha falling for the Doctor, Martha leaving, Donna joining, Doctor and Donna enjoy platonic best-friend relationship, Donna leaves, Doctor finds Rose again, Clone Doctor spends rest of his life with Rose, Doctor leaves and regenerates. We all embraced this, bar Martha who doesn’t quite sit well with the more hardcore fans, but we welcomed this romantic story across time and space and this was why Doctor Who became popular in the States, Tennant made the character sexy and exciting but after he left and the show still insisted on this sexy tongue-in-cheek every-companion-secretly-wants-the-doctors-babies stuff, it became a little bit tried and forced, thankfully that was remedied with Amy being finally paired off with Rory for good but then Clara came in and we had a series in which we watched Clara and the Doctor in this strange banter that we were all uncomfortable with.

People initially rejected Capaldi, they said he wasn’t sexy enough to be the Doctor, which is not a requirement really but even so, they said that about Patrick Stewart being a Captain and look how that went down, boy did those critics have egg on their faces when Stewart brought a suave civility to the character of a Captain on Star Trek that oozed such charm it made men wet. Capaldi, less sexy, instantly cut down the flirty back and forth as he made it clear from the very beginning there was to be no more of that nonsense and so the Doctor went back to where he was with Eccleston but with more battle scars to add to that pain inside. The series as a whole toyed with themes of morality and superiority – is the Doctor a good man? Is he pompous? Does he feel guilt for those that are sacrificed in his name? I liked Danny Pink for the chip on his shoulder with the Doctor, challenging him as being a blood-soaked warrior with a superiority complex who thinks himself above actually getting his hands dirty and Danny was a well-written character for me, breaking the boyfriend tradition of being a bumbling ninny brought along for the ride and instead a man who could stand up to the Doctor without anyone laughing at the poor silly human. Rory and Mickey were, for want of better words, wet blankets, at least for the most part, they left as men but journeyed as imbeciles. Danny, never travelled but was always there, always able to read the Doctor like a book and call him out on it, which was well needed for a character that has been the centre of his universe for far too long

The series is far from perfect and for me, Deep Breath and the Forest of the Night were a bit lack-lustre as episodes compared to the others but the finale topped it off well, bringing everything together in one last hurrah for things as they are, tying up a lot of loose ends, setting the Doctor on his new path and seeing a close to some arcs. Clara’s left us, long time coming, but who knows if she’ll return? I feel it’d be a bad move to bring her back, her story has ended as far as I can see, I’m far more interested in seeing what the Doctor does now and who his next companion will be. I’d like to see more of the Doctor being challenged by his companions though, not like Clara with the keys in the lava deal or bossing him about River Song style but someone who can see he is a flawed being trying to do the impossible and respects him but isn’t afraid to tell him he’s a fool. On an acting point, Capaldi is a brilliant actor, I’ve never seen him be bad at anything to be fair and he’s stepped into the role with grace and poise, plus it’s nice to see an actual fan become the Doctor, a boy who once wrote fan-mail is now driving the TARDIS, that can only be a good thing because Capaldi won’t let the show go down the drain whilst he’s the one holding the screwdriver

Capaldi, keep it up, I want more! More! More!

Side note – SANTA CLAUS?!