The Possible Plausible Future

I’ve been blogging more recently, riding another wave of ideas in the boom and bust cycle that is the activity upon this blog. You might be wondering, therefore, how long this is going to last? How much life will thrive here before I run out of points to make and go off on another few months hiatus. Well, that’s today’s topic, blogging about blogging itself like a taco within another taco or other such analogies.

Now, since my return, success here, by which I mean traffic reaching levels it once averaged at, or surpassing them – that’s been a mixed bag. The Fragile Man, Passionate Contempt and The Shout have been the most popular new works, besides that Pig Girls Don’t Cry gets googled more often and currently running in last place is the rather more recent Cosby Case. I’m proud of my latest works, Fragile Man especially, I believe it on par with Catcall An End To It, one of my other best works. Going off topic here, the point I’m trying to make is I feel I’m improving so in that sense, I’m successful, but I’m reaching less people, even with the Facebook page. Many factors come into this, posting times and how often I post and how well I promote/tag my work and I understand that but I have a plan and in this plan, I have some surprising help.

Firstly, outside of encouraging you all to like, share and subscribe as often as you can, I’m going to get a Twitter for Old Man Wolfe, it’s an easy way to generate publicity and people are happy to retweet without giving it much thought, Facebook shares seem fewer – perhaps due to the differing natures of the sites. Secondly, I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again, the future of this site is video content on YouTube. I tried my hand at animation but lacked the skill and patience and other such excuses, I might have another go at it but I think it best I opt instead for recording footage of myself. The idea is up in the air but inevitably, it is where I’m headed one day, people have said they’d be happier listening to a podcast (A fun idea in itself) or watching a five to ten minute video than reading two thousand word long essays on this or that, to be fair it’s easier for videos to go viral than written work, sad as that is. I’ve resisted and resisted, partly because my pride is in my writing and partly out of fear of how poorly I’ll represent myself as I don’t much like myself in terms of physical appearance and voice. Warning, if you only know me from my online persona, be prepared to have images shattered as the most surprising trait about me, apparently, is my voice isn’t as deep as the gravity of my words suggest. You might be sat there expecting a voice of authority and strength when in truth I sound more like someone who didn’t make the cut for The Inbetweeners.

I used the words possible and plausible because there are no guarantees but my Dad has stepped in, at last acknowledging both my blog and the internet community, accepting the fact that YouTube and such are the way forward, even going so far as to offer me resources – namely a camera. Context here, I’ve never really had much of a big affair made of my birthday, it’s too close to Christmas for lavish spending and money is tight but it’s made Old Man Wolfe’s old man feel heavy guilt and whilst he thought he’d help get me a car, he quickly realised I don’t have the money for lessons or insurance, none of us do, that’s going to have to wait until I have a proper decent wage. So, we talked and he’s going to try and facilitate my path to fame and wishes me the best, hoping one day I’ll be as infamous an internet presence as Markiplier or Tomska. I’m grateful to him for this and want it to work out, the world wide web is the ultimate platform to preach the points I’ve tried to make to only a small collective thus far. Of course, my dream is to be an acknowledged writer with books on the shelves and TV series based on my ideas out there, possibly other inspired media works like games or films I had a hand in making, a long term goal but not as daft as it might have been once upon a time in a world that quickly sweeps up anything interesting, staying famous is now the harder part rather than becoming so.

Beyond the blog, maybe you’re interested in the other stuff I’m doing right? Book ideas, TDWC’s fate and so on? Well if you are, here’s a rundown real quick. TDWC had two potential paths, one a gritty drama series from the point of view of a new recruit to the demon hunting agency and the other an Archer-inspired comedy about the same agency. I’ve decided to test the former and leave the latter for now, I like both ideas but I’ll see whether I’m better at grit or humour and dedicate Lee Patience and company to whichever I prefer, devising something else for the other. Book ideas, I want to write a fantasy series that bucks the trends and tropes whilst calling upon social themes and I won’t give too much away as I know I’m not the first to come up with such but I don’t want to just put everything up here for grabs by any other aspiring writers. Yes, I am honestly saying I think I have ideas people would steal, I don’t want to take the risk of a more inspired and driven writer seeing a concept I devised and running with it before I can so I then get accused of ripping off my own work. I also have another series idea based on my historical studies and series like Game of Thrones and besides that, a short story or perhaps full length novel based on my true imagination of a dystopia. Once again, hoping to buck trends there with a focus on small victories and individual stories, rather than the inevitable “It’s time for revolution” story line that the likes of the Matrix, Divergent, Hunger Games and so on walk down – I like those stories but truth be told, it’s time for a massive change to the system now and look where that’s going, I am not leading an army of optimistic teenagers whilst wearing form-fitted armour and firing arrows at people.

Ramble ramble ramble, point is, watch this space, I mean it. I talk big talk a lot, I know, I’m sorry, the harshest critic of my efforts is myself and I tear them apart too soon but with more people becoming invested, including my previously uninterested father, I’ve got to stick to it this time. I much prefer a future as a prominent face fighting the feminist agenda whilst publishing books about orcs than I do the future as a hopeless dreamer going from till to till trying to find a job.

Not Today

Trigger Warnings – Some strong language.

I’ll put this out there at the beginning, this post doesn’t really have a subject per se, it is just a record of thoughts, I’m at a loss for what to discuss today and don’t really feel like writing anything requiring a lot of research and thought at the moment. I feel sort of tired at the moment, mentally and physically, and though there are news worthy pieces up in the public eye right now, I can’t cover them without repeating myself a lot and nothing really gripped me in the headlines, the same old same old – Ebola here, job losses there, disasters somewhere else – it’s a sad state of affairs that we live in a world where you can react to the word ‘disaster’ with ‘meh’. Granted, my reaction would be different if it affected me directly, that goes without saying, but since it didn’t, I hate to say it but I can find myself looking the other way but then I’m hardly the only culprit there and considering I usually make such a song and dance of the latest news, you can forgive me for a few personal days.

I’ve decided I will reduce the frequency of my posts in the new year, in terms of articles at least. I feel bombarding my audience with a thousand words a day for them to munch on is a bit much for some readers, so much so that even good friends of mine can end up with a backed up list of articles to catch up on and some never get round to it. I ask for feedback and I get the stock responses “Very good” or “You write really well”, which, thanks for the compliments but vague as heck, however I suppose I can’t hold it against people if I’m pushing for their opinions on social issues every day, I’d eventually find myself saying “Yeah, you’re right” now and then just to appear to be saying something. I have a Facebook page, I think I’ve plugged that a lot, but it tells me how many people see a post and how many people engage with it – most posts get very little engagement unless they’re short and snappy status updates, the articles themselves get barely any commentary. I guess this could be down to my latest articles all being news, news, news, maybe I need to break up the pace a bit, I have suggested such in the past and some readers sounded pleased with that idea but perhaps there is also room to just do mini posts, little rants and raves that are no more than a few lines long to make the conversation easier to break into, such as it were.

Of course, the next step up is YouTube, people are much happier to watch stuff than read stuff, it’s the modern world. I won’t stop writing, writing is my forte, my craft, I must practice it constantly and I do want to be recognised for it so as to one day make a living by my words but the allure of the videos is the allure of performance and of being heard much more easily than being a blogger in some dark corner of the internet. I want to share my thoughts and feelings and odd moments of comedy with as wide an audience as possible really, especially if the issue is something important like feminism or politics. I’ve had people ask “Why don’t you just blog about stuff you like?” and it’s been tempting, I might use Totally Obscure Tuesday to do a few pieces on stuff I like but the point of the matter is I want to be recognised for my writing, I enjoy the process but I enjoy the feedback and discussion just as much and if this is to be my future, I need to make it something more easily marketed than “Well, he’s a bit of an unknown but he sure as hell knows a lot about samurai history”

I’ll have to get used to self-promoting, I know I give the impression that I do nothing else but self promote, constantly pushing myself forward and begging for attention and comments and the like but I actually despise doing it, it feels like I’m being the obnoxious prat in the coffee shop ┬átyping loudly and looking around to see if anyone will ask what I’m doing, I feel like that one in the group who says “I’ve composed a poem for this moment”, clears their throat and then recites it without invitation as everyone else sits in awkward silence and replies with “It was good, great, yeah…”. I’m not, I assure you, I’m not that guy, in person I am almost entirely silent, even in good company, and I don’t sit in conversations waiting for my chance to say “Well actually, in my blog I…” because immediately my lingering doubt smirks at me and calls me a pretentious little cunt muffin.

In short, I need to make myself seen and heard but there’s more to it than cramming articles down throats every day of the week so come the new year, this blog is going to need another rethinking. Less frequent articles, aim for regular timing (which so far, not too bad), more frequent statuses and small ways of getting to know my audience, maybe some more interesting ways to get people involved other than “Praise me!” or “I demand intellectual discussions!” so this is as much about me as it is about you. I thank you for your continued support readers, maybe one day Jacob Wolfe will be a name people recognise without saying “The guy from Twilight?”

Incidentally, likes, shares and comments are always appreciated, you can follow me here by e-mail or you can click ‘Like’ on my Facebook page for all the latest news on Old Man Wolfe. Be sure to check out some of my other articles and as always, please let friends and family know about this blog, I’ve given up on the 50 likes on my Facebook before the new year but y’know, anything is something and I welcome new members to my audience!

The Step Forward

Trigger Warnings – None.

Sorry this post is out a bit later than usual, I’ve missed that prime time opportunity but hey, it happens. I’m not sure what to write about tonight, I’ve felt really quite passionate about my previous articles of the week but my view stats haven’t been this low in some time – maybe I’m not reaching out, maybe I’m too proud of stuff that actually isn’t interesting, I don’t know. So, whilst I hate to be a self-piteous jerk (I do hate it, I know I post a lot of personal crap but that’s more for me really, this blog is the inside of my head), I need to get some stuff off my chest.

Understandably, my latest topics have put off would be readers because they’re heavy subjects – the Sydney siege, the Sony cyber attacks, talks of politics and whilst I thought I broke it up pretty well with the Cards Against Humanity post and the Cereal Killer post, which were distinctly more popular than the others. I’m not too surprised and whilst I did enjoy writing those articles, they’re fluffy filler posts, they’re not hot button topics and I don’t want to just write about that all the time because if I was just going to blog about insignificant topics that are amusing to the right people I’d blog about the depiction of historical events in video games and line by line did-you-knows about the ERB performances of Epic Lloyd and Nice Peter. I knew when I started on this blog I couldn’t extensively blog about what I find fascinating because when I bring it up in conversation, people just nod and have no reference points to go by as I explain my rage at a bad characterisation of a samurai or a ninja I like or something or as I try to clarify why I think something is genius. I’m not bitter about that, it’s fine, maybe if I ever hit the mainstream I can do some niche side projects for those fanbases.

I’m thinking of moving on from blogging to YouTube, it’s where the people are and truth be told the concept is more exciting to me now, though I do despise the sound of my own voice. Heads up to you yanks that are expecting me to have a smooth sexy Hiddleston voice, I do not, I sound like a complete and utter twat. I mean, I’ve always loved the written word for expressing myself as a suave, charming fellow of sophistication but in person “Erm, erhem, so yeah that’s uh… hi… what?”. I’ll probably use prompts or write the article out and go from there and then upload the written version here for those of you who still read, a dying breed but a special one. I’ll need to invest in some good tech for it though I should think, a webcam won’t cut it by itself but thankfully I have people willing to help me out in their own way. I’ve decided the format will probably be a weekly or bi-weekly upload of a sort of me telling you the news with my own opinions and then the occasional less polished side notes of things I feel like sharing with you and a friend has discussed animated videos with me, it’s held an appeal to me for ages and would be fun to do.

I shouldn’t complain, I managed to inspire a friend of mine into starting their own blog, that’s pretty ego-boosting. I don’t want people thinking I did this ‘taking them under my wing, they owe it all to me’ thing because it was more just me idly saying ‘You need to blog, you are smart, I would read it’ and they sorta rolled with it. I’ll post a link below, check them out – a fellow feminist taking a fearsome arsenal of intellect and insight to tackle pop culture’s short comings, they’ve only just started but I look forward to what is to come:

I’m sure it will be well worth a nosey once the posts start rolling out but just to make sure you don’t miss out, bookmark the home page hey? And on that note, I hate to be the guy pushing myself forward and saying you should read this, we all know that creative one who uses any subject to segue into their blog or book or poetry and everyone rolls their eyes but speaking from experience as that guy, it’s usually the only way to get people to actually pay attention, nobody seeks out the unknown writer do they? Some friends and family support me and that’s great but audience is small and dwindling so I’m gonna suck it up and say it…

Please, like and share my articles if you enjoy them, subscribe as well. Ugh, feel dirty. Mind you, even the most popular presenters of the Tube still ask so I should feel no shame in doing it, I always just imagined my own merit would carry it but perhaps not, perhaps I have to actually advertise. Would a Facebook page help do you reckon?

Anyway, that’s that, I’ll try to come out with something better tomorrow.

Old Man Wolfe Returns!

Trigger Warnings – Mentions of suffocation/vivid nightmares/death

Well hello internet, Old Man Wolfe is back on your News Feed or your Reader feed, here to treat you to more of that delicious assortment of personal musings,mumblings and miffed off articles about injustice and inequality in society. Missed me? Yes, I’m back a little bit later than I hoped, long boring story there, not really post worthy as it was just some technical issues surrounding internet connection but the point is, I’m back! Feels good to have a solid keyboard beneath my fingers once again and to have justified font, all sexy sleek like. I shall be doing my best to get back into the swing of things now and make up for lost time with some good stuff in the future I should hope.

You might be asking, how was I on my break? Did I relax and have fun? Am I back all refreshed and clear minded? I hope you’re asking, that’d be polite and I thought our relationship was one of sharing and caring. Erhem, well, I did sort of enjoy taking a week not panicking about what to post about but me personally, I’m afraid the past week has been hard on me, that mood scale has been clocking in below five pretty much non stop except for the odd moment of comfort in the company of good friends. I’m scoring one far more often than I’d like and my dreams have involved yet more unusual deaths such as being impaled on a spear and almost having my hand chopped off by my best friend in a gladiator match.To add to matters, lately I’m being kept awake by the feeling of hands around my throat whenever I’m upset, I can even feel thumbs poking into my Adam’s Apple. No, it’s not an allergy, my diet hasn’t changed, I’m not using new detergents and I have not been bitten or stung by anything, I don’t actually have any known allergies anyway, our family doesn’t have many. Apparently it’s psychological, it’s a symptom of an anxiety disorder, thus the stress and sadness being the trigger so it doesn’t help the moment I feel blue, I get this ghost of my own mind trying to choke me as if putting me out of my own misery permanently. Dramatic, yes, but it honestly feels like I’m being throttled, I’ve been throttled before so I know how that feels and this is the same only my feet are on the floor or on my bed.

I hate to come back on such bad notes but there hasn’t been a great deal of joy in my life of late. I mean, it’s not all been doom and gloom, caught up with an old friend after years apart and that was wonderful, we got on as if we had never gone a day without seeing each other and it only served as a warm reminder why we became so close in the first place. However, with no job and no longer being at Oxfam, when I returned for a Christmas gathering, I had to answer the question of “So what do you do now?” with “Oh, nothing”, because I’m not in work and not looking for a bit, the job I had sort of buckled my confidence when it came to the review and with Christmas coming, I want to take a break and start the new year with a clearer head, hopefully. Feels awkward though, I’ve not gone to bigger better things, I’ve gone onto moping in the dark and playing video games (On a side note, I have gone from a total noob to a pro at Demon’s Souls in a week, almost completed my first play-through and I am rocking some sweet ass armour) I will get back on the horse but as I’m not too worried in terms of finances, I think I’ve earned some time to try and focus on feeling less shitty before getting back into the world of work.

I’m thankful for the people who care about me, checking up on me and showing genuine concern for me when my mood drops. I’m still going to see about counselling and maybe some anti-anxiety/anti-depressants from a doctor as there is stuff that is beyond what a friend can deal with and some issues are so deeply seated in the pains of my heart that I just don’t feel I can talk to some people about them. I’m always on and off with this, I listen to a lot of what my friends go through but some of them won’t do the same for me or won’t read up on my blog, which is the best and easiest way of knowing what’s on my mind in detail. I’ve tried to seek the counsel of some friends before and it hasn’t always worked and I’m not expecting it to, they don’t know what to say, some just genuinely can’t stand to hear it and many are far more concerned with their larger troubles in life like not having money for food to eat or a history of abuse keeping them awake at night. So I’ll sort myself out and rely on my friends for what they can feasibly do and I hope nobody takes offence to this article, I’m not shitting on your efforts but just stating that there have been times when I’ve discussed an issue with a friend and they’ve actually told me to stop talking because they don’t want to deal with it. I’ve probably done it to others, maybe karma is making things even.

Still, I’m getting by, money is not as much of a problem, I saved a small sum to tide me over to the new year and I intend to get my act together come January. I’ll let you know how I do with that. I may also look into vlogging, the number of people now saying “If it was a video, I’d watch it, I swear” and so at first I was pissed off taking these people as lazy unappreciative sods who need flashing colours to be amused but if so many people are requesting it and not just because they can’t be arsed to read it but they genuinely want to see me speak and perform, I shall have to oblige and get a YouTube channel. I’ve had offers of help with videos and editing so that should be a fun project to get going. Other than that, the Christmas spirit is surprisingly strong within me, wrapping my gifts for everyone gave me a buzz and I’ve tried my best to be more charitable. So yeah, the world isn’t ending and though times are hard, they could be harder, I’ll get on as I always have done and hope to continue to entertain you all into the new year!

Short Break

Trigger Warnings – None.

This just isn’t working folks, I’m sorry, I’m actually sick of my phone now, sick of holding it, sick of typing on it and getting nowhere fast with this, can’t make daily excursions to the library just to blog, you don’t get enough time on the computers and my mood has me only leaving the house if I need to or just get stifled for fresh air.

I have therefore decided to take a break, not for very long, just a week off whilst the laptop is in the shop being brought back to life through painstaking repair work. I’m worried forcing these posts out when I have nothing to really go on will only lead to strained awkward pieces of shit articles so I shall take a moment to refresh myself and hopefully be back at a proper keyboard within the week, who knows? Well… The repairman I guess…

Don’t lose hope, this is not the drawn out death of the blog, these past couple of months have reignited the flames of passion for writing within me and with my reader base continuing to expand steadily, next year, I’m going to up my game. I’ve had loads of people say they want me to get on YouTube and maybe change daily articles into weekly videos, let the world hear me ramble on and on. Truth be told, it’s getting more tempting abs and maybe I will invest in making it a reality.

Anyway, point being, I’m going to give blogging a bit of a rest for now rather than pump out daily nonsense. I need better facilities, a more positive mood and more resources than my phone has the ability to provide. See you all when I return, hopefully with a proper computer but if not, maybe a rest is all I need to get into this for real once again.

Origins of Old Man Wolfe

Trigger Warnings – None.

Seeing as my situation isn’t likely to change anytime soon, I thought I would make a little extra effort to find interesting topics to talk about that I can do without extensive research or a pile of online resources. That in mind, have I ever told you folks the story of how Jacob Wolfe became Old Man Wolfe? Seriously, I am legitimately asking or else this is going to be a boring story if everyone knows the ins and outs of it. Fuck it, I’ll wing it and see what happens.

I have certainly mentioned before that my style is influenced by the likes of Doug Stanhope, David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker, names you may or may not recognise depending on how well you know the world of comedy and journalism. Charlie Brooker was my biggest inspiration, which is something I’m sure he’d find amusing – that his rants about the dismal nature of our modern society inspired someone. I had seen on him on TV and found him both hilarious and insightful, cutting through the bullshit of life with a hatchet, it just clicked for me. Still, I couldn’t find it in me to just copy him, that felt ingenuine, I merely appreciated his craft.

My first ever rant, way way back, was written after having vocalised many numerous little rants to my friends in college on matters great and small. I found people either thought I needed to mellow out or continue mumbling angrily until I exploded into a hilarious fireworks display of swear words. I decided to do it, to take the plunge and do a rant and went about honing my craft with inspiration source material like Zero Punctuation and Screenwipe to get my head in the game and then boom, off I went, ranting like a madman.

The Facebook response was brilliant, it warranted another and so I did, it snowballed into more and more rants and the name Old Man came about from various sources, though I can remember the way one friend in particular used to say it that made it sound loveably stupid and yet somehow respectable.

 I steered clear of social justice discussions for fear of backlash, making intense and verbose attacks on trivial issues that just sorta bugged me at the time. Don’t get me wrong, I still clench my teeth when I see people walk about in town with trousers so low the seat of their pants is filling with gravel but in the grand scheme of things, sagging trousers aren’t as much of an issue as trans* violence or wealth inequality. Playing it safe seemed ok and if anyone was upset, it didn’t matter, I was hardly challenging a belief system but now that I realise I have a podium, I kinda want to use it for more than crude humour.

People sometimes ask if I hate my old work or if I wish I had never bothered with some of my old articles or done this differently, to that I say yes and no. Yes because I can always improvement on everything I do, I can be funnier, smarter, longer, shorter but no, I’m glad I made those mistakes then and I look at each article with an idea of what I learnt from each one – what jokes aren’t acceptable, what topics aren’t worth visiting, how my views have changed, it is always about the learning process.

I hope that was sort of interesting, the future for this blog should be bright in 2015, I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for sticking with me this far and see you again soon!

Running Out of Steam

Trigger Warnings – Nothing.

The title has probably given this much away but I’m running low on steam for this blog using my phone. Still, the computer is on the mend and I can always try getting to a library computer and doing it that way. That said, with this blow to the blog, getting back in order will be a task alright, not one that’s beyond me but still.

Truth be told, I think the biggest problem for the blog at the moment is me, not my facilities. If I was really determined, I could make do, type through the pain, stop my whinging and so on. I’m not doing the best mood wise really, hitting some real lows of late and it shows in my behaviour, particularly social.

I’m somewhere between reaching out and backing away, weird as that sounds. I can be very keen to start conversations, particularly at the wee early hours of the morning after midnight has passed, but I will also abruptly leave conversations or neglect to reply to people. I get annoyed or upset when people don’t reply to me though, as selfish as that seems, thankfully logic kicks sense into me after a while but there are nameless individuals who I seek validation from to get none. I’m not angry or bitter, just flat. To anyone who deals with me in their life, I apologise for everything, bear with me if you can.

I don’t know what I am after here, people could say I just want sympathy likes and shit but truth be told that has long since stopped mattering, I just have this blog and make use of it whenever. I like to think these posts are helpful to those close to me but that isn’t always the case, some people will claim to care and want to know the full story but if I direct them to my blog for the details, they suddenly have a lot less to say. Sorry, that probably sounds quite rude, I should be grateful these near strangers even give a flip but it can be a bit of a bitch considering how much of my soul I invest into this blog only to find a great deal of my friends don’t actually follow it, invalidates my work.

I know this post isn’t much, trying to keep up but struggling with my mood, my dreams, my social life, finding work… My blog sorta suffers as I do. Plus, phone typing makes my hands ache… Bleh. See you soon guys.

Fingerbound Blogger

Trigger Warnings – None.

So I’ll start by saying the laptop is pretty much a total write off and I am now stuck working from my phone because I have neither a tablet or a desktop and libraries aren’t open this late in the evening. This is a bother, long passages of text are a nightmare by touch screen, even with predictive text. Ultimately the impact of this on my work will be that the posts might be shorter, I get a buzzing pain in my fingers if I use touch screens for more than half an hour straight. I also apologise but there isn’t a justify the text option on this app so the posts may look messy. So yeah, that’s a setback.

Ugh, that last paragraph took forever and it’s barely even a fifth of the article, this is going to be hell but I haven’t stopped this daily momentum before now, can’t let the lack of a computer stop me now can I?

Being fingerbound, a term I have invented and already realised doesn’t make sense because I still use my fingers to operate a keyboard but hey, I can’t really write articles along the lines of the calibre I would like, this might just be some personal posts and little oddities, if that already sounds uninteresting then just skip the next week or two. Hopefully I will get to a proper computer soon, maybe I will have to visit the library after all.

Anyway, I have waffled on a bit and not about anything in particular I notice other than my current situation. Truth be told, my fingers ache like mad now, seriously. However, kudos to whoever developed this app, it does work, not without space for improvement but at the core this thing is useful. I would appreciate it though if it didn’t keep forgetting my blog exists, that gets old fast. Oh well, we shall see how it goes but I think I’ll wrap it up here for now if you guys don’t mind. Goodnight!

Until Next Time

Trigger Warnings – Mentions of suicide

My blog’s been thriving, apparently my comments on Band-Aid really stuck with people because the traffic for that article has been pretty much non-stop, might have to work on making it into a vlog or podcast for people if I can get the resources to do so, still only a nice idea at this stage. Anyway, tonight’s post is just a personal update for people, I couldn’t find anything blog worthy in today’s news and the current idea I have in the wings deserves a proper effort, not some slap dash rambling thrown out there before it gets too late (Prime time for my blog is between 1900 and 2200 hours GMT/UTC) and it is already getting late so I figured I’d just keep you all up to date with the life of Jacob Wolfe

So what’s been going on? Well, I started that mood journal, too soon for it to reflect much but I’ve noticed my mood peaks at lunch time and just after I finish work but crashes after dinner and I start everyday in a bad mood, which might be the bad dreams, might be an uncomfortable bed, who knows? I’m using a 1 to 10 scale, 1 being wanting to die and 10 being jumping and clapping my feet together as I skip home and I note this down every hour, on the hour (or as close as possible to that time) and for the sake of the chart, any hour in which I am sleep is recorded as a 5, meaning no strong feeling either way, unless I had very disturbing dreams in which case I’ll note how I felt in the dream. I keep a dream and activity record as well and I’ve been told of a good dream analyst to visit, perhaps a bit Freudian but anything that might help, I’m willing to try… well, unless you approach me in robes holding up crystals and pushing them into my hands, I might be a bit iffy about that sort of thing

I realise a numerical scale is probably not the best measurement but its easy to monitor and notice trends in, thus how I was able to tell you my moods peak and plummet at certain times. I’ve yet to hit a 1, not sure I’m even capable of 10 but today notes the first 8 and 2 on the record, well the first two 2s. I’m glad this is a written article, this would be hell to read aloud. As for the dreams, well the past two have been weird but no deaths involved thankfully, rather more themes of boredom and isolation and I can’t even remember last night’s dream, you know how it can be with dreams.

I bet you’re asking what I’m hoping to see and hoping to achieve with the number scale hey? Well initially I thought I’d be marking down all 2s and 3s all day long but lately I’ve had moments of spontaneous joy so I’m expecting to bounce between 2/3 and 7/8, so far it’s been hovering around 3/4 with moments of 7. I realise this is a weird article, it looks like I spilt spaghetti numbers over everything. I don’t mind the 6/7/8s but if they’re not gonna last, it’s a bit of a pain, especially as they’re not tapered off, they crash so I’d want something to stabilise the bouncing back-and-forth of my moods because in an ideal world I’d be 10 all the time but that’s unrealistic, I’d like to just float around 5/6 personally, maybe deal with a 4 and a 3. I should be thankful, no 1s, I’m rarely that low to be honest but we’ll see

Sorry if that was weird to read, it matters to some of you though and it’s surprising how much of a following the personal posts get, maybe people just like the reminder I’m still a thinking, feeling creature and take an interest in that? Would explain why some of the most popular vloggers are just genuine people talking about general stuff and not crazy charades made for attention (Some are but when you think of the likes to Tomska and Laci Green, they’re popular for their honesty and human demeanour as well as their actual content, unlike celebrities or actors that don elaborate personae to perform for us before going back to being who they actually are)

Anyway, I’ll try to get out a proper post tomorrow, I know if I get lax with them then my views suffer but for now, hope this little update on all things Jake was somewhat interesting

One Month Later

Trigger Warnings – None

Well one month down the line, or near enough, and so far I think I’ve come on leaps and bounds with this whole blogging hoopla, certainly managed to at least set something published once a day and within the same general time frame, for the most part. Regular posting is one of the basic rules of staying current in the fast-paced environment of cyberspace, you fall behind, you get forgotten, just seems to be a rule really. Anyway, I decided I’d take this opportunity to talk about my blogging and such like, seeing as I did a Remembrance Day special on Remembrance Sunday so I decided against just repeating myself for the actual Remembrance Day itself

So, where to go from here? Well, I think the next step is a self-hosted domain, the freebie version of WordPress is prone to bugs and statistic errors that are making my blog appear more/less popular than it actually is and on more than one occasion this site has forgotten how many people I actually have subscribed to me so when I look for the number, it sorta shrugs and guesses but then come the next morning it has remembered the real number. Maddening, considering the views and subscriptions are kinda how I measure success. I might move away from WordPress, I’m not sure, I want a blog that’s easier to comment on because some have said they’re put off responding to my articles by the weird commenting system my blog has and I have no clue how to change it, methinks it requires a paid membership. If I do pay to use this site, or move to another, I hope you’ll allow follow me there and I’ll be sure to post links and such on here so you can find me but it’s all in the air at the moment so we’ll see where the cards fall, one month isn’t enough to go on for these sorts of things I feel

I’ve expressed an interest in the past at making videos, animated ones, I’m not too sure about becoming a vlogger in the traditional sense with jump cut shots of my bedroom and what have ye, my bedroom is a dull dull place and these vloggers always have posters and collectibles everywhere, I have painted white walls, a few drawings pinned to the wall and a dream catcher with a wolf motif on it, that’s about it. The lighting in my room is atrocious and I lack good audio recording equipment, but I’d need that for vlogging or animating. I have got animation software though and I’m quite good with it in all fairness so you might be wondering why nothing ever came out of that for all my talk in the past of videos being the way forward so allow me to explain

Put simply, effort. The videos, animated or not, would require a great deal of effort to put together and considering my audience is a rather small one of around ten to thirty people at most, it seems like a lot more hard work for a lot less reward. Sure, videos are more popular as a whole and easier to spread around on the social media because people will give five minutes to watch pretty colours and funny moving pictures much more readily than they will when they realise they have to put the effort into reading, it’s something of a secret art in this day and age. I could do podcasts, that is an option, but we’ll see. Frankly, in a household of six, peace and quiet is hard come by so I’m worried the recordings would be spoiled by knocks at the door, people shouting, thunderous marches up the stairs and so on. Anyway, I need to be confident in the popularity of my work before I start making videos or such, as well as confident that I can deliver on them regularly to keep my subscribers interested

Ok, personal talk here, I’d like to see my blog circulate around a bit more and yes this is attention whoring but I don’t care, attention is what makes a blog thrive and I don’t feel I get quite enough for what I do, maybe that’s just my ego talking. On another personal note, I think one other reason I’m avoiding vlogging is my appearance, I’m not very happy with my looks, I’ve put on weight and want to lose that weight, particularly from my gut and face, used to have a really nice sloped jaw but now my head is sorta more circular. Bleh. I know some of you close to me will argue I’m not fat and I look fine but I FEEL fat and I FEEL less attractive than I was – no man should have the ravages of age set in at twenty! I’m a bit of a dandy, such as it were, ask anyone who knows me and they’ll swear I have my dress sense dictated to me by Barney Stinson from HIMYM, it’s almost always some form of suit – I own more smart shirts than I do DVDs – so the idea of being visible to basically anyone in the world and not feeling attractive when they’re looking at me makes me feel uneasy

Being a blogger is not an easy thing, a vlogger even less easy or perhaps not, depends who you ask, there are good arguments either way. I like blogging and writing and expressing my opinions to see how people respond and I like to make people laugh, my ideal job would be using my creativity to make people laugh and think. Speaking of which, TDWC is undergoing another revamp, those poor characters have been hacked up and stitched back together so much it seems borderline malicious what I do to them. TDWC sorta bears the brunt of my self-criticism and so it gets picked apart so often as is the creator’s curse – immediately after you’re done, you already know what could be better and thus you are never ever truly satisfied with anything you do. Heck, reading old posts on here, I cringe sometimes. TDWC is going to be a while off yet, it’s only ever been scripts and stories at present, though it was considered for a web series briefly by a drama group but it became less of a good idea the more it was considered by everyone involved. That’s life.

Anyway, I’ve managed thus far, had mild success, would like to achieve more and I’ll consider gathering the funds to be a bit more ambitious. Thank you for the support so far from everyone, I’m actually doing well in all fairness, not internet celebrity level well but good enough to be considered as more than just a one-post wonder. Wish me luck for the future and watch this space!