Up and Running

Trigger Warnings – Strong language throughout (This probably should be taken as a given by now I guess?)

I went jogging today at last and thus the title, you get it? Eyy? Eyy? Do you, do you get the joke? Clever wordplay is my forte… as is rhyming apparently. I’m sorry I didn’t do a blog post yesterday by the way, in my defence I have done them non-stop for a long time and I did say I was going to gradually do less, mostly to ensure every post is top quality and also so my readers don’t end up swamped in so much new content they stop bothering and just pretend to have read it (Which the anxious part of me always suspects is the case whenever people say “It was good”… like, I’m stating an argument, it was good doesn’t make sense really, it’d be nicer to hear if you agree or not or if you thought I fought my case well.

Anyway, I didn’t come here to discuss that, I came here to discuss my progress with the jogging thing. I meant to start sooner but things kept cropping up but today I actually did it, I actually went jogging. I didn’t jog very far, I must admit, only the length of Sydney Avenue which is down the road from my house and is less than a kilometre long. Yes, I didn’t manage even one kilometre of jogging, I’m that unfit but to push myself, I did then go on a twenty minute walk around Monkmoor on the steepest hills I could find, I felt pathetic having to take two rest stops to jog the length of one strip of road. However, a few things to note are that I am of course very unfit from a bad diet, various health issues and a lack of practice but also, in my prime, such as it were, I was a sprint runner, not a distance runner. I could cover seventy metres in a flash, sure, but any longer than that and I burnt out spectacularly and I looked into the length of Sydney Avenue, it is seven hundred and forty metres long so that’s more than ten times the length at maybe… well… a fifth of my usual speed? I daren’t do the math, my head will hurt but I think the results would show I’m not doing too shabby, certainly not as bad as I initially thought.

I’m going to have to give jogging a miss tomorrow sadly, I have somewhere to be, but the week after that is clear for me so I’ll push myself to keep it up. I may have to invest in something to play music as I jog, though the scenery is nice and because it’s so cold and wet, nobody is out by the river except the odd parent and child playing with the dog. In the summer, my gosh, that road is just a surge of health freaks running around looking impressive and making me feel fat. I felt a bit silly today in all fairness, wearing a jogging suit, oh how I wished I wasn’t me so I could wear a suit and look at me all sweat and baggy trousers and just shake my head but fuck it, dressing like Rocky Balboa is something I can endure for a flatter stomach and better stamina rate than “Haha! I’m up… And now I’m down”. I’m too young to be old, if that makes sense, I creak as I move, I get out of breath just carrying heavy bags and I sleep like a log the moment I’m out, it’s hell to fall asleep but when I’m asleep, I’m really fucking asleep (Which is sorta against the Maori proverb of a true warrior waking at the sound of a snapping branch. In all fairness though, I’d constantly be waking up if I was like that, there’s a public footpath behind my house which is the path most frequented by drunken shambles wandering home from the nightclubs. Irritates me like mad, just want to use my bedroom window as a sniper perch and shoot those noisy bastards right in the… erhem, no, no violence Jake, bad)

I said I’d give you all a progress check and I’ll grant you the fact this is more just me telling you “Hey, I actually started!” but y’know, hey, I started, I made a conscious effort towards my resolution. I’ve also told everyone to stop putting sugar in my tea, I did not give into cravings and reward my efforts for jogging with a giant sticky bun, I just ignored it. I’m going to have to look into healthy snack foods (I’ll give myself an apple so I can look like even more of an asshole). The jogging has played havoc with my appetite though, I was so hungry tonight that I ate whatever people left behind on their plates as well as my own dinner so my brothers are pretty sure the effort I made today was just undone in a feeding frenzy on chicken and rice. Chicken and rice though, that stuff is healthy, you dig? The fact it was covered in Tikka Masala changes nothing right? Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know how I’m doing, let me know how you’re doing with your resolutions or if you’re stuck for ideas, maybe I can write a post about some ideas I can share with you, that sounds like a good post idea actually. Today’s post was actually done by request, a reader said they really like personal updates so I thought I’d throw them this bone since these posts are generally easier to write without much thought and otherwise I might not have come up with anything. Thanks for reading folks, stick around for more in the future!

Hey, did you like that post? Do you want to follow the adventures of Fat Man Wolfe? I kid, I’m not THAT fat, I know that much, just chunkier than I’d like. Anyway, click like if you enjoyed tonight’s reading material and maybe give it a share if you know anyone else maybe trying to get motivated to join a gym or give up cake or whatever. If you want more, be sure to check out some of my other articles or follow the link below to get to my Facebook page for the latest updates and information on blog posts as they come out!



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