Not Today

Trigger Warnings – Some strong language.

I’ll put this out there at the beginning, this post doesn’t really have a subject per se, it is just a record of thoughts, I’m at a loss for what to discuss today and don’t really feel like writing anything requiring a lot of research and thought at the moment. I feel sort of tired at the moment, mentally and physically, and though there are news worthy pieces up in the public eye right now, I can’t cover them without repeating myself a lot and nothing really gripped me in the headlines, the same old same old – Ebola here, job losses there, disasters somewhere else – it’s a sad state of affairs that we live in a world where you can react to the word ‘disaster’ with ‘meh’. Granted, my reaction would be different if it affected me directly, that goes without saying, but since it didn’t, I hate to say it but I can find myself looking the other way but then I’m hardly the only culprit there and considering I usually make such a song and dance of the latest news, you can forgive me for a few personal days.

I’ve decided I will reduce the frequency of my posts in the new year, in terms of articles at least. I feel bombarding my audience with a thousand words a day for them to munch on is a bit much for some readers, so much so that even good friends of mine can end up with a backed up list of articles to catch up on and some never get round to it. I ask for feedback and I get the stock responses “Very good” or “You write really well”, which, thanks for the compliments but vague as heck, however I suppose I can’t hold it against people if I’m pushing for their opinions on social issues every day, I’d eventually find myself saying “Yeah, you’re right” now and then just to appear to be saying something. I have a Facebook page, I think I’ve plugged that a lot, but it tells me how many people see a post and how many people engage with it – most posts get very little engagement unless they’re short and snappy status updates, the articles themselves get barely any commentary. I guess this could be down to my latest articles all being news, news, news, maybe I need to break up the pace a bit, I have suggested such in the past and some readers sounded pleased with that idea but perhaps there is also room to just do mini posts, little rants and raves that are no more than a few lines long to make the conversation easier to break into, such as it were.

Of course, the next step up is YouTube, people are much happier to watch stuff than read stuff, it’s the modern world. I won’t stop writing, writing is my forte, my craft, I must practice it constantly and I do want to be recognised for it so as to one day make a living by my words but the allure of the videos is the allure of performance and of being heard much more easily than being a blogger in some dark corner of the internet. I want to share my thoughts and feelings and odd moments of comedy with as wide an audience as possible really, especially if the issue is something important like feminism or politics. I’ve had people ask “Why don’t you just blog about stuff you like?” and it’s been tempting, I might use Totally Obscure Tuesday to do a few pieces on stuff I like but the point of the matter is I want to be recognised for my writing, I enjoy the process but I enjoy the feedback and discussion just as much and if this is to be my future, I need to make it something more easily marketed than “Well, he’s a bit of an unknown but he sure as hell knows a lot about samurai history”

I’ll have to get used to self-promoting, I know I give the impression that I do nothing else but self promote, constantly pushing myself forward and begging for attention and comments and the like but I actually despise doing it, it feels like I’m being the obnoxious prat in the coffee shop  typing loudly and looking around to see if anyone will ask what I’m doing, I feel like that one in the group who says “I’ve composed a poem for this moment”, clears their throat and then recites it without invitation as everyone else sits in awkward silence and replies with “It was good, great, yeah…”. I’m not, I assure you, I’m not that guy, in person I am almost entirely silent, even in good company, and I don’t sit in conversations waiting for my chance to say “Well actually, in my blog I…” because immediately my lingering doubt smirks at me and calls me a pretentious little cunt muffin.

In short, I need to make myself seen and heard but there’s more to it than cramming articles down throats every day of the week so come the new year, this blog is going to need another rethinking. Less frequent articles, aim for regular timing (which so far, not too bad), more frequent statuses and small ways of getting to know my audience, maybe some more interesting ways to get people involved other than “Praise me!” or “I demand intellectual discussions!” so this is as much about me as it is about you. I thank you for your continued support readers, maybe one day Jacob Wolfe will be a name people recognise without saying “The guy from Twilight?”

Incidentally, likes, shares and comments are always appreciated, you can follow me here by e-mail or you can click ‘Like’ on my Facebook page for all the latest news on Old Man Wolfe. Be sure to check out some of my other articles and as always, please let friends and family know about this blog, I’ve given up on the 50 likes on my Facebook before the new year but y’know, anything is something and I welcome new members to my audience!


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