Clash of the Douches

Trigger Warnings – Contains Nigel Farage

You know what I hate about topical blogging? Having to keep up with total tossers that the world deems newsworthy. I decided to get back into the swing of things I’d take a swing at Nigel Farage and Russell Brand, two of my least favourite human beings who got into a heated debate on British television over immigration, inequality and breast-feeding. I wish I could just shrug and look past this but it’s a slow week for me, this might provide some amusement.

Now usually you hear debate and you expect statistics, you expect clever rhetoric, you expect science and logic and mutual respect but then again this is British politics, it’s more a game of who can call their opponent a twat in the most colourful way possible and then burble a bit. I want to side with Brand, I really do, he is right about a few things but he’s so overly floral and lacking in real substance that I feel like he can’t really be the best voice out there to represent people like me surely? I don’t want to do his job for him, I think I’d go mad if I had to sit next to Farage for an hour, one of us would be dead, but Brand is just a floppy haired nitwit. You might think I’m just throwing barbs around but that was all that I could see going on between those two, though Farage seemed to be better at actually sticking to the format of Question Time, he did answer questions, stupid answers but y’know, answers, not just “You’re wrong” rambling like Brand.

The audience wanted Brand to actually properly take the stage of politics and run as an MP but he declined, apparently scared of becoming corrupt and impure like he’s a messiah or something. I’m sorry, I don’t buy that Brand, if you have faith in yourself and in your argument, you would not be corrupted, corruption only affects those who lose their way. Farage, in that sense, beats Brand because Farage has conviction, his ideas are extreme and idiotic but he fights for them with clout whereas Brand just sorta waffles and preaches for a bit. David Cameron, Ed Miliband, Nigel Farage, whatever you think of these people they deserve the credit for having ideas and beliefs that they actively work to make into reality, sometimes falling short but it’s not as if Cameron spends his time in Downing Street watching Spongebob and eating Pick’N’Mix, he’s running the country.

Brand and Farage both like to lay blame willy-nilly, Brand on the rich, Farage on the foreign. Has life in Britain changed that much since 1990? Yes and no and that’s a blog post in itself, perhaps I can go on about that tomorrow. Yes we are in an economic crisis and it could easily be tackled if Google and Starbucks paid the UK what it owes in tax and no the shortcomings of this society aren’t the work of gremlins from Albania dragging us down into poverty, we live in a cycle of blame placing and shoulder shrugging really, it’s laughable or it would be if it wasn’t the world we actually live in. I mean, after the show was done, both Brand and Farage wrote mean articles about each other like teenagers bitching on Facebook.

The problem is charisma, these two are characters, the loveable rogue and the man’s man of politics and that’s great, we need characters to get people interested but when politics becomes a popularity contest you can vote in any old douchewad based on the cut of their jib or their lively persona. I mean, if my generation read up a bit more I swear I’d have many more friends voting Green but as it stands they just don’t bother and perhaps that’s an issue a true party of the people should address, why do people just see politicians as faceless suits or extreme nutjobs? We need to remember politics is a ruling factor in the way we live our lives, it’s all well and good voting in the guy who drinks a pint and grumbles about terrorists and Muslims but you’re giving them the keys to the kingdom and do you want them on a throne? Really? Would you trust that person with your car? Your house? Your kids? Your life?

As for the breast-feeding remark from Farage, saying women should sit in a corner to do it, grow up. It’s normal, it’s natural, perhaps your mother did it once, perhaps she didn’t and thus the oral fixation on cigars and shite. I may have another blog post idea here already, tying in with the idea from earlier but we need to mature, all of us, and live and let live really. The blame lies on all of us though – companies should pay tax, people should be educated on policies and their impact, youngsters shouldn’t just dismiss everything, old people shouldn’t just pine for the past and ruin the future – we need to shape up, seriously.

There you go Britain, that’s my political slogan for you all – Jacob Wolfe, wanting the world to grow up!


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