Trigger Warnings – Mentions of suicide
My blog’s been thriving, apparently my comments on Band-Aid really stuck with people because the traffic for that article has been pretty much non-stop, might have to work on making it into a vlog or podcast for people if I can get the resources to do so, still only a nice idea at this stage. Anyway, tonight’s post is just a personal update for people, I couldn’t find anything blog worthy in today’s news and the current idea I have in the wings deserves a proper effort, not some slap dash rambling thrown out there before it gets too late (Prime time for my blog is between 1900 and 2200 hours GMT/UTC) and it is already getting late so I figured I’d just keep you all up to date with the life of Jacob Wolfe
So what’s been going on? Well, I started that mood journal, too soon for it to reflect much but I’ve noticed my mood peaks at lunch time and just after I finish work but crashes after dinner and I start everyday in a bad mood, which might be the bad dreams, might be an uncomfortable bed, who knows? I’m using a 1 to 10 scale, 1 being wanting to die and 10 being jumping and clapping my feet together as I skip home and I note this down every hour, on the hour (or as close as possible to that time) and for the sake of the chart, any hour in which I am sleep is recorded as a 5, meaning no strong feeling either way, unless I had very disturbing dreams in which case I’ll note how I felt in the dream. I keep a dream and activity record as well and I’ve been told of a good dream analyst to visit, perhaps a bit Freudian but anything that might help, I’m willing to try… well, unless you approach me in robes holding up crystals and pushing them into my hands, I might be a bit iffy about that sort of thing
I realise a numerical scale is probably not the best measurement but its easy to monitor and notice trends in, thus how I was able to tell you my moods peak and plummet at certain times. I’ve yet to hit a 1, not sure I’m even capable of 10 but today notes the first 8 and 2 on the record, well the first two 2s. I’m glad this is a written article, this would be hell to read aloud. As for the dreams, well the past two have been weird but no deaths involved thankfully, rather more themes of boredom and isolation and I can’t even remember last night’s dream, you know how it can be with dreams.
I bet you’re asking what I’m hoping to see and hoping to achieve with the number scale hey? Well initially I thought I’d be marking down all 2s and 3s all day long but lately I’ve had moments of spontaneous joy so I’m expecting to bounce between 2/3 and 7/8, so far it’s been hovering around 3/4 with moments of 7. I realise this is a weird article, it looks like I spilt spaghetti numbers over everything. I don’t mind the 6/7/8s but if they’re not gonna last, it’s a bit of a pain, especially as they’re not tapered off, they crash so I’d want something to stabilise the bouncing back-and-forth of my moods because in an ideal world I’d be 10 all the time but that’s unrealistic, I’d like to just float around 5/6 personally, maybe deal with a 4 and a 3. I should be thankful, no 1s, I’m rarely that low to be honest but we’ll see
Sorry if that was weird to read, it matters to some of you though and it’s surprising how much of a following the personal posts get, maybe people just like the reminder I’m still a thinking, feeling creature and take an interest in that? Would explain why some of the most popular vloggers are just genuine people talking about general stuff and not crazy charades made for attention (Some are but when you think of the likes to Tomska and Laci Green, they’re popular for their honesty and human demeanour as well as their actual content, unlike celebrities or actors that don elaborate personae to perform for us before going back to being who they actually are)
Anyway, I’ll try to get out a proper post tomorrow, I know if I get lax with them then my views suffer but for now, hope this little update on all things Jake was somewhat interesting