Inexplicable

Trigger Warnings – None. Happy post!

Personal post. I’m slowly slipping off the radar in terms of ratings on here, not sure why but I’m sure they’ll pick up once I get onto some more engaging topics than superheroes and comedians. I find personal posts or posts about feminism are usually good for that sort of thing so here’s a personal post, expect a feminist post in the future I guess.

I’m happy today, inexplicably so, thus the title. I don’t know why but for most of the day I’ve just been quietly buzzing to myself, not ecstatically so but just feeling content for no apparent reason. I don’t know, maybe it’s because the right person gave me a hug, maybe it’s the reduced workload bringing me some relief or maybe it’s just the sound of the rain soothing my soul, who knows? I know one thing for sure, I don’t mind what it is as long as it keeps up, it’s so nice not to feel miserable if only for a day at a time. I had a good day today in all, I was productive, no real big errors threw me off, I was around people I like being around and everything just hummed along nicely with nothing to ruin the rhythm of the day so I’m thankful for that.

I find small joys in life – good parenting, friends greeting each other, an idle kind word – I know this all sounds like I’m paraphrasing song lyrics but it does support the philosophy of the best things in life being free, a philosophy I’ve had trouble believing but I can see the reasoning to it when I look hard enough. My day today wasn’t brilliant, nothing amazing happened like finding I’ve won a prize or got a phone number for an interesting woman or anything but it was nice, simply put. I also feel I was rather unselfish today, which is something I aim to be as much as I can without putting myself too deep into the red because, well, the world would be a better place if more people said “Why not?” than “Why?”, don’t you think? Ultimately, I wasn’t a saint, these little deeds were still for people close to me, I enjoy their happiness, that’s what I get from it but still, it was nice and I enjoy doing it.

I realise that I’m a man who usually talks about the bleakness of his depression and yet today I’m all sunny, even in spite of the dreadful weather and still less-than-marvellous financial situation I live in but I’m riding on a crest of positive emotion and might as well enjoy the ride. Just to clarify, this is not mania, I am not crazily happy and bouncing off the walls with excitement, I’m just able to sit with a smile on my face without having to try to force it on like I so often make myself do. I’ll probably lapse back into my normal state of misery given enough time or something that makes me feel invalidated or abused, that usually does it, but for now there’s a clear sky after a storm and I might as well put down the umbrella for a moment.

I wanted to make this the point of a post because I don’t want people thinking all I ever do is doom and gloom and cynicism, that I can’t enjoy life or hold such contempt for everything with a pulse because beneath it all I like to think I’m a nice guy (And no, not in the douchey “Nice guys finish last” sense). I can be cruel or callous but I generally live my life by a principle of helping my community first and myself second and as a result, I have good friends who would jump in to help me should I ever need it, each good deed is repaid in kind one way or another. And so today, one little deed on my part made someone happy and in turn they did something that made me happy and so I enjoyed today. I’m thankful for the people in my life and to you my readers, I want you all to know that as much as I whinge and complain and rant, I can smile and laugh and be warm if you know how to make me so or just catch me on the right day. I use a lot of my personal posts to complain and ramble about how hard life is but just for once, here’s a change of pace

I had a good day, I just wanted to share that with everyone, hope you had good days too, or if not, that you will have one tomorrow or at the very least, some day soon

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2 thoughts on “Inexplicable

    • Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂 I just felt that I so readily rain negativity on my readers, it might be nice for them to see I have good days too – hopefully the storms will clear for longer in future xxx

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