Hello reader, welcome to Jacob Wolfe at three in the bloody morning. I should probably head to bed and try to sleep but hahaha, what are the chances I’ll get any of that tonight? You may well know this stage of consciousness, where you are aware you haven’t slept yet you drearily carry on trying to function as something other than a misanthropic slab of semi-alert meat that tests the solidity of flat surfaces with their face. I know I’m tired physically, but my brain is cracking the whip and taking me for a stroll down memory lane whilst cheerfully pointing out all those things I did wrong. At the moment, I’m pretty awake though and am using this energy that one finds in postponing their own collapse to play video games (Megaman X is one of the best designed games of all time by the way) and write this little blog.
I broke down earlier and the experience has left me numb around the edges and so whilst I’m no longer tearing into myself with some sort of sonnet about the futility of all human existence, I’m not quite myself just yet and instead seem to be just… coping. I’m too tired to care, to express any strong emotion and my head is pounding like I’m getting tea-bagged by a rhinoceros with a serious resentment towards grumpy teenagers. You know the curse that comes late at night for most of us is when our brain decides to randomly open up shop all over again and brings out some ideas we don’t normally think of in our daily routines, like rhinoceroses who give people headaches through pelvic thrusts to the face. Granted, as my audience you probably can’t tell from that logic if all my rants are written when I’m sleepy or if in my mind there’s something especially peculiar about rhinos that means I avoid talking about them in rants for whatever reason, as if rhino analogies are just too weird to use effectively but then I have just based a paragraph around this point so even I’m amazed.
Now you see, had I been awake as in properly awake, and not awake as in who left Jacob plugged in over night because now he’s short circuited, I doubt I’d have written half a paragraph on rhinos nor would I be trying to excuse myself for my erratic behaviour. Excuse me, by the way, for this probably sounds entirely random but then when your head is running on negative energy (By which I mean below zero value, not the power of bad ideas though often I do wonder if that is also a fuel source for my brain judging by my life choices at times) you do go a bit weird, even by your own standards. I’d like to think though, that for a man in my frame of mind, I have pretty good composure and written form as opposed to drooling on the keyboard and rubbing my nose wearily…sazxkfvpegkdqwr…. What? Huh? I’m up, I’m up! Where was I? Rant… rant… yeah ok, I was doing that.
Well, this isn’t a serious rant, or a funny one for that matter unless my sleepy antics are somewhat amusing for you. On the upside, I haven’t been a totally cynical arsehole this time though inevitably I will because after all, life is a pointless AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND I ruined it. Oh well, seems no matter what happens, I’ll always have my good friends Sarcasm and Scepticism to hang out with so maybe I’ll spend my night doing something constructive. Insert crude smirk.